In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society.
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Sample Response
With the improvement of healthcare and living standards, the average life expectancy in many countriesthe average age of many countries continues to risecontinues to be raised. Despite the fact that the elderlyaging people contribute a lot of knowledge and experiences to society,the society, the ever-increasing aging population, in my opinion, brings more negative impact onto the society. This can be seen in two aspects particularly: economic advancement and public finance.
An ageing population can reduce the size of the working-age population, which undermines economic growth. Businesses failing to recruit an adequate number of workers may suffer greatly from declining productivitya declined productivity, resulting in impeded progress. Moreover, young workers are usually more likely to enter emerging industries, adapt to new technologies, and undertake entrepreneurial risks. But when the young workforcewhen young workforce keeps diminishing, the country may find it difficult to maintain economic stamina and long-lasting competitiveness.
At the same time, a society with a substantial proportion of elderly citizensproportion of the old puts the government under greater fiscal pressure. To offer better care, the governing bodies need to appropriate more funds to pensionsin pension, public healthcare, and social welfarewelfares; yet the workforce bearing thesethis expenses keeps declining. This not only increases the burden on the taxpayers but also forces cuts to budgets fora cut on the budgets on other public services like education, public transportation and environment protection.
Nonetheless, the aging population makes an immense contributionmakes immense contribution to the society with their valuable experienceexperiences and wisdom. However, the decrease in working-age population and the increase of fiscal pressure caused by it cannot be denied. Therefore, I believe that such a trendsuch trend brings more drawbacksdrawback than benefits.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear position throughout, logically detailing both economic and fiscal impacts of an ageing population. The strongest aspect is the fully developed response supported by coherent paragraph organisation and effective transitional phrases. To reach a higher standard, focus on refining minor grammatical precision, such as plural demonstratives and prepositional choices, while expanding context-specific vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear and consistent position supported by well-developed main ideas.
Provide even deeper supporting details or specific real-world examples to further strengthen the main arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear progression and appropriate cohesive devices throughout.
Ensure transitions between concession statements and main arguments flow even more naturally within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used flexibly to discuss economic and social topics, though a few minor word choice inaccuracies occur.
Refine phrasing choices such as replacing 'declined productivity' with 'declining productivity' and avoiding minor word repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is produced with good overall control, despite occasional minor grammatical and prepositional errors.
Proofread carefully to eliminate small slips such as singular-plural agreement errors like 'this expenses' instead of 'these expenses'.