The proportion of elderly people in some societies is increasingly rapid. Is this a positive or negative trend?
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Sample Response
It is true that a considerable proportionpercent of the elderlygenerations is rising dramaticallyare dramatically rise in some countries.I strongly believe that the trend of old people go up maybe terribly effecting economic and social diversity than positively.
Certainly,there are some benefits of an ageing populationbenefits for population grow old.It is not only stimulating the economic of nursing homes,but also provides numerous employment opportunitiesprovide a number of employment opportunity when elderly people getting retired.
On the other handBy the opposite side, it has different situations.Most importantly,a greater taxtaxes burden will generally appearappeared when population grow old consistently.Due to more people of retirement age receive pension without work,it is a huge disadvantage for government spending.On the other hand,the proportion of young people is small,the taxes will increase which government received at the same time.
Besides that,there is a disadvantage for social composition which means diversity of all age groupsevery ages from areas.If a community lacks young peoplelack of young people,there will not be enough volunteers to help the vulnerable when accidents occuraccident occurred.For instance, in JapanSuch as in Japan,a considerable number of elders have been found dead in their home long after passing awayafter long pass away because community lacks volunteer like young people.Conversely,a community lacks of elders,it will lose much of the cultural promotion of respecting and caring for the old.
In conclusion,my view is that population grow old will bring negativenegatively effects,as a society must maintain a balancekeep balance between old and young people otherwise it will have a bad impactbadly impact on economic and social diversity.
Why this response received Band 5.5
文章能够明确回应题目关于人口老龄化是积极还是消极趋势的提问,并给出了清晰的立场与相应论据。然而,文章在连接词的使用上略显机械且个别表达不够准确,同时存在较频繁的语法结构和词汇搭配错误。优先建议加强基础语法句式练习,并积累准确的词汇与连接词表达。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章完整回答了题目问题,指出了老龄化的利弊并明确表达了偏向消极影响的个人立场。
在论述主要论点时,需对具体例证做更严密、合理的逻辑展开与深度挖掘。
连贯与衔接
文章具备基本的段落划分,但在衔接词的使用上存在不地道或机械误用的情况。
多积累并规范使用表达对照与递进关系的衔接短语,提高段落过渡的自然度。
词汇资源
词汇量能满足基础表达要求,但拼写、词性搭配及拼凑痕迹较为明显。
注重积累固定的动名词搭配与词性变化,减少因直译产生的非地道表达。
语法多样性与准确性
尝试使用了复合句和多种句型,但主谓一致、时态及句子结构错误较为频繁。
重点复习基础句型结构与谓语动词形式,写完后仔细检查并纠正时态和语法错误。