It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?
Sample Response
In my opinion, it is significant part of our lives. Everyday we try to improve and make more convinient daily routines, in result we study and work more. After hard day, spending time in at school, at university or at work, we need separate by these things and do something what bring relax, pleasure, and happiness.
So here can help our hobbies. If you have them many, like me, you don`t have any problem with choosing an activity for your free time. However, if situation is inverse and you haven`t any idea what you can do just request you reletives what they do for rest. It`s can be: a drawing, sport, a horses riding, an extreme or things like DIY.
It is not important what you will choose, the main factor how you`ll feel. The kids will more happy play football or paint a funny emotions, then sit at room and thinks about homework or projects. The same situation with adults. The vacations and travels are a great opportunity find your pastime. For example, you can go to the sea and admire water type of sport. The main idea it`s what our exitiments aren`t just funny they also give more benefits for our physic and mental health and access to feel better before new tasks and issues.
In conclusion, hobby is an essential thing in our lives. We need to have at least one that making our life stable and comforting. Yes, study for to be smart and work for to earn money — important and undeniable factors, but truly to live this life it`s really vital.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: it is significant part Suggested revision: it is a significant part Why it matters: Singular countable nouns like 'part' require an article.
- 2. Spelling error Original: convinient Suggested revision: convenient Why it matters: The correct spelling is 'convenient'.
- 3. Inaccurate linker Original: in result Suggested revision: as a result, Why it matters: The standard transitional phrase is 'as a result'.
- 4. Missing article Original: After hard day Suggested revision: After a hard day Why it matters: An indefinite article 'a' is needed before the singular noun phrase 'hard day'.
- 5. Incorrect verb pattern Original: we need separate by these things Suggested revision: we need to separate ourselves from these things Why it matters: 'Need' is followed by a to-infinitive, and 'separate' requires a reflexive pronoun and the preposition 'from' in this context.
- 6. Grammar error Original: what bring relax Suggested revision: that brings relaxation Why it matters: Use 'that' or 'which' instead of 'what' for relative clauses. 'Relax' is a verb; the noun 'relaxation' is needed here.
- 7. Awkward phrasing Original: So here can help our hobbies. Suggested revision: This is where hobbies can help. Why it matters: The original phrasing is highly unnatural and grammatically incorrect.
- 8. Word order Original: If you have them many Suggested revision: If you have many of them Why it matters: The quantifier 'many' should precede the pronoun or be phrased as 'many of them'.
- 9. Spelling error Original: reletives Suggested revision: relatives Why it matters: The correct spelling is 'relatives'.
- 10. Double subject/verb Original: It`s can be: Suggested revision: These can include Why it matters: 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is', which cannot be followed directly by the modal verb 'can'.
- 11. Parallelism and articles Original: a drawing, sport, a horses riding, an extreme Suggested revision: drawing, sports, horseback riding, extreme sports, Why it matters: The list lacks parallel structure and contains incorrect article usage (e.g., 'a horses riding' is incorrect; it should be 'horseback riding').
- 12. Grammar error Original: will more happy play Suggested revision: will be happier playing Why it matters: The future tense requires the auxiliary verb 'be', and 'happy' should be in the comparative form 'happier' followed by a gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is significant part it is a significant part
- convinient convenient
- in result as a result,
- After hard day After a hard day
- we need separate by these things we need to separate ourselves from these things
- what bring relax that brings relaxation
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate addresses the prompt and expresses a clear opinion that hobbies are essential. However, the response does not systematically address all the specific groups mentioned in the prompt (children, young adults, working people, and the retired). The retired group is completely omitted from the discussion.
To improve, ensure that every part of the prompt is addressed. If the prompt lists specific groups (children, young adults, working people, retired), make sure to dedicate space to discussing each of them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to awkward transitions and phrasing. Cohesive devices are used but are often inaccurate or repetitive.
Work on using standard transition words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'On the other hand') and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors ('convinient', 'reletives', 'physic', 'exitiments'). Some word choices are inappropriate or informal for an academic essay (e.g., 'things like DIY', 'funny emotions').
Build a wider vocabulary related to leisure, health, and lifestyle. Practice spelling common academic words and avoid overly informal expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is the weakest area. There are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, article usage, and prepositions. Many sentences are direct translations from the candidate's native language, resulting in unnatural phrasing (e.g., 'We need separate by these things', 'study for to be smart').
Focus on basic sentence structures, particularly subject-verb agreement, the correct use of infinitive vs. gerund ('study to be smart' instead of 'study for to be smart'), and article usage before nouns.