In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The widespread availability of international food in supermarkets has sparked considerable debate in recent times. While it may seem like a positive development, I believe this trend is detrimental for several reasons. The reliance on imported goods undermines local agriculture and promotes environmental harm, making it a negative development.
Firstly, the influx of globally sourced food items threatens local agriculture. When supermarkets stock products from distant countries, they create unfair competition for local farmers who struggle to compete with cheaper, mass-produced imports. For instance, local fruit and vegetable growers may find it difficult to sell their produce when foreign alternatives flood the market at lower prices. This results in reduced income for domestic farmers and a loss of agricultural diversity. Moreover, the growth of supermarket chains that rely heavily on imports often leads to the decline of smaller, local food markets, which are vital for preserving traditional farming methods.
Secondly, the environmental impact of transporting food across long distances is significant. The carbon footprint associated with importing food is substantial, as products often travel by plane or ship, emitting large amounts of greenhouse gases. This widespread distribution of food from different parts of the world contributes to global warming and environmental degradation. For example, fruits and vegetables from countries with warmer climates are frequently flown to colder regions, consuming considerable energy and resources. This reliance on global supply chains increases pollution and has long-term consequences for the planet.
In conclusion, while the availability of international food might offer convenience, it is a negative development due to its harmful effects on local agriculture and the environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove vague timing Original: in recent times Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This general time phrase adds little precision to the opening.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: promotes Suggested revision: causes Why it matters: The verb 'causes' combines more naturally with 'environmental harm'.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: globally sourced food items Suggested revision: imported food products Why it matters: This replacement states the same idea more directly and precisely.
- 4. Avoid word repetition Original: create unfair competition for local farmers who struggle to compete with Suggested revision: make it difficult for local farmers to compete with Why it matters: This removes the awkward repetition of 'competition' and 'compete'.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: foreign Suggested revision: imported Why it matters: 'Imported' identifies the relevant distinction more precisely than 'foreign'.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: This results Suggested revision: This competition results Why it matters: Naming the preceding cause makes the reference clearer.
- 7. Remove adjective comma Original: smaller, local food markets Suggested revision: smaller local food markets Why it matters: These cumulative adjectives do not require a comma between them.
- 8. Calibrate the claim Original: often leads to the decline Suggested revision: can contribute to the decline Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the proposed relationship with more appropriate precision.
- 9. Reduce wordiness Original: This widespread distribution of food from different parts of the world Suggested revision: This global food distribution Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without repeating the global scope.
- 10. Vary repeated wording Original: This reliance on global supply chains Suggested revision: Dependence on global supply chains Why it matters: This avoids repeating 'reliance' from the introduction while preserving the claim.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The carbon footprint associated with importing food is substantial, as products often travel by plane or ship, emitting large amounts of greenhouse gases. Suggested revision: Importing food creates a substantial carbon footprint because products often travel by plane or ship and generate considerable greenhouse-gas emissions. Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating the same idea through both 'substantial' and 'large amounts'.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, fruits and vegetables from countries with warmer climates are frequently flown to colder regions, consuming considerable energy and resources. Suggested revision: For example, flying fruits and vegetables from warmer countries to colder regions consumes considerable energy and resources. Why it matters: The original participial phrase illogically makes the produce itself the agent that consumes resources.
Suggested Rewrites
- in recent times Delete
- promotes causes
- globally sourced food items imported food products
- create unfair competition for local farmers who struggle to compete with make it difficult for local farmers to compete with
- foreign imported
- This results This competition results
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response takes a clear position and supports it with two logically developed arguments, using relevant examples and consistently precise language. Its main limitation is that some points, particularly the effects on agricultural diversity and traditional farming, are asserted rather than explored in depth. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal explanation within each main idea while maintaining the current concision and control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and both reasons are relevant, well developed, and supported with appropriate examples.
Develop the longer-term consequences for local farming more fully to add greater depth to the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the internal progression of each body paragraph by making every final consequence explicitly follow from the preceding example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise, with effective topic-specific choices such as carbon footprint, agricultural diversity, and global supply chains.
Reduce minor repetition of words such as local, food, and imports by using carefully chosen reference or paraphrase.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with consistently clear punctuation and control.
Refine sentence rhythm by varying the openings of explanatory sentences while preserving the high level of grammatical accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.