In your opinion, what incentives could be offered that would persuade more people to embrace electric cars?
Sample Response
From my point of view, it is undeniably essential to keep our globe safe from greenhouse gases. It is evident that cars or any gas-fueled vehicle produce these harmful gases. Something has to be done to prevent greenhouse effect and using electric cars could be a good way of preventing it. It can be clearly seen that gas-fueled vehicles comprise the majority of the causes of the greenhouse effect. Today, developers have discovered new electric cars that have adequate speed and are equally comfortable. Once these new, innovative cars have been fully charged, it can travel long distances with moderate speed. In spite of these cars are slightly expensive, they are undoubtedly prominent for both our health and our planet's safety. So some incentive measures to make people embrace electric cars should have taken. For this reason, people have to be introduced about how perilous these gas-fueled vehicles are. In this case, governments have a great deal of responsibility to get over that. For instance, the advertisement boards on the side of the roads are one of the optimal places to inform people. In addition, social networks or TVs could introduce the aspects of the electric cars. Furthermore, petrol is diminishing with a great acceleration. Consequently, petrol has a limited source, despite electric energy is unlimited that they can be obtained by solar or wind power. In addition, electric energy has limited wastages, but gas has a lot of wastes and one of these wastes is a threat to our lives. The government can fund the car producers to produce cheap electric cars and transportations. Less tax on electric cars could also be an effective solution as it would arrest more people to purchase them. To sum up, gas-fueled cars have a lot of drawbacks in terms of its fumes and environmental damage, although there is no marked disadvantage that can threaten our lives in electric cars. Funding, less tax and advertisement can attract more people to use this sort of cars.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: prevent greenhouse effect Suggested revision: prevent the greenhouse effect Why it matters: The established environmental phenomenon requires the definite article.
- 2. Use precise phrasing Original: comprise the majority of the causes Suggested revision: are a major cause Why it matters: The original wording combines comprise and causes in an unnatural construction.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: developers have discovered new electric cars Suggested revision: manufacturers have developed new electric cars Why it matters: Cars are developed by manufacturers rather than discovered by developers.
- 4. Broaden performance term Original: adequate speed Suggested revision: adequate performance Why it matters: Performance more naturally covers the capability being described here.
- 5. Match plural subject Original: it can travel Suggested revision: they can travel Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun cars.
- 6. Use correct preposition Original: with moderate speed Suggested revision: at a moderate speed Why it matters: English uses at when describing the speed of travel.
- 7. Fix concessive clause Original: In spite of these cars are slightly expensive Suggested revision: Although these cars are slightly expensive Why it matters: In spite of cannot directly introduce a finite clause in this form.
- 8. Correct adjective choice Original: prominent for both our health Suggested revision: beneficial to both our health Why it matters: Beneficial expresses a positive effect on health, whereas prominent does not.
- 9. Use passive form Original: should have taken Suggested revision: should be taken Why it matters: Measures receive the action, so a passive construction is required.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: introduced about how perilous Suggested revision: informed about how harmful Why it matters: People are informed about a danger rather than introduced about it.
- 11. Clarify government role Original: get over that Suggested revision: address this problem Why it matters: Get over does not clearly express taking responsibility for an environmental problem.
- 12. Use standard term Original: the advertisement boards Suggested revision: advertising boards Why it matters: Advertising boards is the more natural term for roadside promotional displays.
Suggested Rewrites
- prevent greenhouse effect prevent the greenhouse effect
- comprise the majority of the causes are a major cause
- developers have discovered new electric cars manufacturers have developed new electric cars
- adequate speed adequate performance
- it can travel they can travel
- with moderate speed at a moderate speed
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers several relevant incentives, especially public-information campaigns, producer subsidies, and lower taxes, and its environmental rationale is generally easy to follow. However, development is uneven and the message is weakened by repetition, imprecise claims, and frequent awkward language. The highest priority is to organise the incentives into distinct paragraphs and explain specifically how each would change consumer behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant incentives, but much of the discussion focuses on environmental background and the proposals are only partly developed.
Explain the mechanism and likely effect of each incentive with a specific example of how it would influence buyers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly understandable sequence, but the single-block structure, repetition, and occasionally unclear referencing weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for awareness measures and financial incentives, with clear topic sentences and controlled linking.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range for environmental and policy topics, although frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward combinations with established phrases such as raise awareness, subsidise manufacturers, and encourage consumers to purchase electric cars.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and prepositions limit control.
Prioritise accurate complex sentences by checking subject-verb agreement and avoiding faulty structures such as in spite of followed by a full clause.