Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure there is only a small difference between the earnings of its richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is often argued that the key to a happier society is for the government to reduce the income gap between the richest and poorest citizens. While this idea may seem appealing, I disagree with this viewpoint and believe there are more effective ways to create a happier society.
It is true that reducing the financial gap could improve the quality of life for those at the bottom of the economic ladder. Individuals living below the poverty line often struggle with basic needs such as food and housing, and any effort to increase their income would undoubtedly enhance their standard of living. With better financial security, they would likely experience reduced stress, greater access to education and healthcare, and an overall improvement in well-being.
However, focusing solely on income equality neglects the perspective of wealthier individuals, many of whom have worked hard to achieve their success. Often, the richest members of society are those who are the most industrious, innovative, and driven. It would be unfair to limit their earnings in the name of equality. More importantly, such a policy could discourage ambition and stifle motivation, as people may feel that their efforts are not being rewarded appropriately. When individuals lose the incentive to work hard, it could lead to a decline in productivity, innovation, and economic growth.
Instead of trying to completely eliminate the income gap, a more effective approach would be to invest in initiatives that help lower-income individuals acquire skills and opportunities to advance. The government could implement vocational training programs and career development initiatives to help people secure better-paying jobs and improve their social and economic standing. This would not only empower individuals to improve their own lives but also contribute to a more prosperous and content society overall.
In conclusion, while reducing the income gap may offer some benefits, I believe that a happier society is best achieved by focusing on creating opportunities for personal and professional growth. By enabling individuals to improve their skills and increase their earning potential, we can build a more equitable and thriving society without unfairly limiting the success of others.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural gap collocation Original: reduce Suggested revision: narrow Why it matters: Narrow is the more precise verb for making an income gap smaller.
- 2. Use concise reference Original: viewpoint Suggested revision: view Why it matters: View conveys the same meaning more concisely in this context.
- 3. Keep terminology consistent Original: financial Suggested revision: income Why it matters: Repeating the precise term income gap avoids an unnecessary shift in terminology.
- 4. Use precise economic term Original: those at the bottom of the economic ladder Suggested revision: people on the lowest incomes Why it matters: This phrase states the group directly and avoids a figurative expression.
- 5. Match plural reference Original: increase their income Suggested revision: raise their incomes Why it matters: The plural incomes agrees more precisely with the plural individuals being discussed.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: an overall improvement in well-being Suggested revision: improved overall well-being Why it matters: The compact noun phrase avoids the wordy improvement in construction.
- 7. Remove redundant possessive Original: worked hard to achieve their success Suggested revision: worked hard to achieve success Why it matters: Success already refers naturally to their achievement, so the possessive is unnecessary.
- 8. Use concise collocation Original: not being rewarded appropriately Suggested revision: not being adequately rewarded Why it matters: Adequately rewarded expresses the intended standard more compactly.
- 9. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it Suggested revision: this Why it matters: This clearly refers to the preceding loss of incentive, whereas it has no explicit singular antecedent.
- 10. Restore parallel meaning Original: acquire skills and opportunities to advance Suggested revision: acquire skills and access opportunities for advancement Why it matters: People acquire skills but access opportunities, so separate verbs make the coordination precise.
- 11. Avoid nearby repetition Original: initiatives Suggested revision: schemes Why it matters: Schemes avoids repeating initiatives from the preceding sentence while preserving the meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- reduce narrow
- viewpoint view
- financial income
- those at the bottom of the economic ladder people on the lowest incomes
- increase their income raise their incomes
- an overall improvement in well-being improved overall well-being
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is persuasive and well organised, sustaining a clear position through developed arguments, an alternative policy, and a consistent conclusion. Its main limitation is conceptual: it sometimes equates narrowing the income gap with capping wealthy people's earnings, while its proposed support for lower earners could itself narrow that gap. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish these policy mechanisms and evaluate the precise claim about a small earnings difference more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops relevant benefits, objections, and an alternative, but it partly reframes a smaller earnings gap as a cap on high incomes.
Distinguish raising low incomes from limiting high incomes and assess more directly whether a small earnings difference is the best route to happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from a concession to objections, an alternative approach, and a consistent conclusion, with well-managed paragraphing.
Make the conceptual link between the objection and the proposed alternative more explicit so their relationship is fully transparent.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and precise range of vocabulary for inequality, incentives, productivity, skills, and social well-being.
Refine a few broad expressions such as acquire skills and opportunities so that each policy mechanism is described with maximum precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied, flexible, and consistently well controlled, with only rare minor awkwardness.
Continue this strong control while tightening occasional heavily modified sentences to make their logical relationships even sharper.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure there is only a small difference between the earnings of its richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.