In parts of the world, children have more freedom than they used to have. Is it a positive or negative development?
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Sample Response
Followingollowing the development of the world, there is a view thatthat think kids should have more freedom than the used have. This view sparksspark debate regarding its overall effect. In my opinion, more freedom for children ismay is a negative development.
There are several obvious reasons why having more freedom ischildren have more freedom is a negative thing. To begin with, children areis too young that they are lacking inof self-control, more freedom may harm their developmentharm for they growth. In general, if kids can have more freedomget more free, they always go to play and rest, and then they will lose the awareness of time and neglect their studiesgive up to study. In many cases, when children come homecome back to home from primary school, if without parents teaching, most of them will choose to playchose play games or watch TV and forget to do their homework, these actions will let them form bad habits and hinder their growthhave bad habit and influence the growth of them. In addition, moreIn addition more freedom may let them influenced by some bad information. As we all know, nowadays kids can easily contact with internet, and more important thing is that internet have many bad information, if without parents or teachers supervising, kids may have chance to learn some worse things on internet, many news are reporting some kids who learned some bad things from social media and even made some crimes.
However, more freedom for children also has a positive influence on them.more freedom to children also have positive influence to them. Firstly, children will have more fun than the used have. They can have more time to play with friends after school like play some sportssports items and games, it truly can help them become happierget more happy from relationship. Secondly, they can have more opportunities to learn some thing which are their really interesting, which include swimming, painting, hiking. However, these activities should be supervisedhiking,But these thing should be supervise under their parents.
In conclusion ,more freedom is a negative thing. However, with the guidance of parents or teachers, more freedom can also bring many benefits.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The candidate addresses the essay prompt directly by presenting a clear position and supporting main arguments with relevant examples. The chief limitation lies in persistent grammatical inaccuracies and awkward word choices, which occasionally hinder smooth reading. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting basic subject-verb agreement and refining sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly outlines a position on the debate and provides relevant arguments for both sides of the issue.
Develop supporting examples more fully to explain how specific types of freedom lead to negative outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas generally follow a clear progression across the text.
Vary linking words and transition phrases to reduce mechanical repetition between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to express basic opinions, though word choice errors and awkward phrasing recur.
Focus on learning correct word collocations and proper preposition usage to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical errors occur in subject-verb agreement and verb forms.
Review fundamental grammar rules regarding plural agreement, verb patterns, and modal verbs.