The number of advertisements for charities on television and the Internet seems to be increasing. What is causing this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
It indeed appears true that the frequency with which advertisements for charities appear both on television and the Internet seems to be increasing. There can be various explanations for this and it can be seen in both a positive and negative light.
One explanation for the increase in the number of charity advertisements is that the charities themselves are becoming more aggressive in their marketing. This can also be seen in the common strategy nowadays to encourage a monthly donation, rather than a one-off donation. The increased marketing is apparent too in the increased numbers of ‘street salespeople’, who stop passersby and try to get them to commit to this monthly payment.
A second reason for the increase could also be that there have been more charities started and the number of advertisements would therefore increase and become more noticeable. If these charities are all legitimate, this would mean that more help will be getting to causes that need it. The increase in charities could also be explained by a possible increase of humanitarian awareness. People might be now adopting different ideologies that take into account people in less advantageous positions.
If the number of advertisements for charities has risen due to the fact that there has been a positive shift in people’s compassionate principles, this surely has to be seen as an optimistic development. If it is due to the fact that governments have been cutting back, it could be seen as a pessimistic development. In addition, if there are more charities asking for more money, this will inevitably mean that the amount of money donated will have to be more thinly spread, which would be a negative development.
There could be several reasons for why there are more charity advertisements today. Whatever the reasons, as long as any money is helping people in disadvantageous positions, it must be seen as a positive development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the parallel phrase Original: both a positive and negative light Suggested revision: both a positive and a negative light Why it matters: The coordinated noun phrases need parallel articles.
- 2. Use singular number Original: numbers Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Use the singular noun in the standard expression ‘the number of’.
- 3. Fix the passive structure Original: there have been more charities started Suggested revision: more charities have been established Why it matters: This passive construction is more grammatical and direct.
- 4. Use a clearer verb Original: more help will be getting to causes Suggested revision: more help will reach causes Why it matters: The direct verb avoids an awkward progressive construction.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The noun ‘increase’ takes ‘in’ when naming what has grown.
- 6. Correct adverb placement Original: might be now adopting Suggested revision: might now be adopting Why it matters: ‘Now’ normally comes after the modal verb in this construction.
- 7. Choose a precise term Original: less advantageous positions Suggested revision: disadvantaged circumstances Why it matters: This phrase expresses social disadvantage more naturally.
- 8. Simplify the abstraction Original: positive shift in people’s compassionate principles Suggested revision: increase in people’s compassion Why it matters: The revision conveys the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 9. Remove the redundant preposition Original: reasons for why Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: ‘Reasons why’ is the standard construction here.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: people in disadvantageous positions Suggested revision: disadvantaged people Why it matters: This is a more concise and idiomatic description.
- 11. Strengthen the causal sequence Suggested revision: Separate the claim about the growth in charities from the following explanation about humanitarian awareness, then link the two ideas explicitly. Why it matters: The paragraph currently moves between two related explanations without clearly showing their relationship.
- 12. Clarify the contrast Suggested revision: Use explicit contrast markers to distinguish the positive case from the two negative cases. Why it matters: Clearer signposting would make the evaluation easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- both a positive and negative light both a positive and a negative light
- numbers number
- there have been more charities started more charities have been established
- more help will be getting to causes more help will reach causes
- of in
- might be now adopting might now be adopting
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both questions directly, develops several plausible causes, and reaches a clear, qualified judgment while maintaining strong control of organisation and language. Its main limitation is that some claims remain general or conditional rather than being illustrated with concrete evidence. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the evaluation of the positive and negative consequences with one specific, fully explained example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through relevant causes, balanced evaluation, and a clear final position.
Support the conditional evaluation with a concrete example showing how increased advertising produces a particular benefit or harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through distinct causes and consequences, with clear paragraphing and effective linking.
Reduce repeated additive linking and make the transition from causes to evaluation more explicitly analytical.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas precisely, though a few collocations such as “increase of humanitarian awareness” sound awkward.
Refine less natural collocations so that sophisticated wording remains consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor phrasing or preposition issues.
Polish small constructions such as “reasons for why” to make the grammatical control consistently natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of advertisements for charities on television and the Internet seems to be increasing. What is causing this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.