As a result of medical sciences, the average life expectancy is increasing for men and women. Do you think most people see it as a positive development? What are disadvantages of the ageing population for individuals and society?
Sample Response
Life expectancy has soared nowadays which means that people are living for more years than before, and credit for this surely goes to the advanced health care facilities available in the contemporary world. Yes, most people view it as an advantageous development, as we can expect our dear ones to be with us for more time. As only after retirement one usually gets much time to spend with oneself and family. Therefore, one has more years to rejoice what life has to offer. Moreover, old people in the organisations are the most knowledgeable people, who can help and guide the young employees to acquire proficiency in various skills. Take an example of a senior database administrator, who can only offer valuable information to the trainees who have just joined the company. On the contrary, this also has some subtle disadvantages. Not everyone is healthy enough to enjoy old age gracefully. Sometimes one gets so weak that he/she feels difficult to carry out even mundane tasks. But they have no other option than just passing their days somehow. Apart from that, governments are now burdened with providing old age provisions to more number of people than the past. Ultimately, it forces young people in the workforce to pay more taxes, to generate more money for these additional expenditures of management of the country. Being old and dependent is something which is increasing recently due to the increased life span. In crux, I would say that quantum jump in life expectancy has numerous constructive impacts. However, it does have given rise to some problems too for both individuals and society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a compatible time phrase Original: has soared nowadays Suggested revision: has risen in recent decades Why it matters: The present perfect fits a period extending to the present, while “nowadays” clashes with the sudden-change verb “soared.”
- 2. Use concise wording Original: living for more years Suggested revision: living longer Why it matters: The comparative adverb expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 3. Use measured academic phrasing Original: credit for this surely goes to Suggested revision: this is largely due to Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and avoids the conversational certainty of “surely.”
- 4. Use precise wording Original: advanced health care facilities Suggested revision: advances in healthcare Why it matters: The claim concerns medical progress generally rather than only physical facilities.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: an advantageous development Suggested revision: a positive development Why it matters: “Positive development” is the conventional expression in this context.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: dear Suggested revision: loved Why it matters: “Loved ones” is the established expression for close family and friends.
- 7. Use the comparative adverb Original: for more time Suggested revision: for longer Why it matters: “For longer” is the natural expression for an extended duration.
- 8. Correct the verb pattern Original: rejoice Suggested revision: enjoy Why it matters: “Rejoice” does not take a direct object in this way, whereas “enjoy” does.
- 9. Use respectful precision Original: old people in the organisations Suggested revision: older employees in organisations Why it matters: The revised phrase is more precise, neutral, and directly relevant to the workplace context.
- 10. Use the fixed phrase Original: an Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The established expression uses the definite article “the.”
- 11. Place only accurately Original: who can only offer valuable information Suggested revision: who can offer valuable information Why it matters: Removing “only” avoids implying that offering information is the administrator’s sole capability.
- 12. Use a clear contrast Original: On the contrary, this also Suggested revision: However, increased longevity also Why it matters: The revision uses the appropriate contrast marker and replaces the vague pronoun with a clear subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- has soared nowadays has risen in recent decades
- living for more years living longer
- credit for this surely goes to this is largely due to
- advanced health care facilities advances in healthcare
- an advantageous development a positive development
- dear loved
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay answers both questions, clearly presenting longer life as positive while identifying frailty, dependency, pension costs, and higher taxes as disadvantages for individuals and society. Its strongest feature is the relevant range of effects; the main limitation is the single-paragraph presentation and frequent awkward or inaccurate phrasing. Prioritise separating benefits from drawbacks and developing the social-cost explanation with clearer cause-and-effect language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are directly answered with relevant personal and social benefits and disadvantages, though several ideas could be developed more precisely.
Explain more fully how longer retirement, chronic illness, dependency, pension spending, and taxation affect individuals and public finances.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move recognisably from a positive view to individual and societal disadvantages, but the entire response is one paragraph and some links are mechanical.
Use an introduction, a benefits paragraph, separate individual and social drawback paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied language for ageing, work, and public spending, but many collocations are unnatural or inaccurate despite clear overall meaning.
Use natural phrases such as ‘live longer’, ‘loved ones’, ‘enjoy life’, ‘find everyday tasks difficult’, ‘pension provision’, and ‘public expenditure’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but fragments, agreement, pronoun reference, comparison, and auxiliary errors occur frequently.
Repair the ‘As only after retirement’ fragment and correct forms such as ‘finds it difficult’, ‘a greater number’, and ‘has given rise’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As a result of medical sciences, the average life expectancy is increasing for men and women. Do you think most people see it as a positive development? What are disadvantages of the ageing population for individuals and society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.