In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Nowadays, obesity has been one of a major health issues among populations in many parts around the world, especially in developed countries. This essay will discussed the causes relating to a rise of overweight population and solutions to tackle with them. The prominent cause of obesity is a social transformation. In these days, business environment is becoming more competitive than in the past, which makes people have to work harder to earn money for living and survive. As a consequence, they tend to have less time to exercise. Furthermore, preparing food themselves on a daily basis can be impossible to many people as they have a tight schedule of work on weekdays, therefore, ready-to-eat meals and junk food becomes their choice of food, which they tend to loss in nutrients. Consumption in this types of food in a long-term could possibly leads to various health issues such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Although these problems have caused a great threat to public health in many areas around the world, it can be tackled if these measures are taken cautiously. Governments should increased investment in nutrition promotion and educational programmes to raise awareness to public on the importance of being healthy. For instance, running a campaign to encourage people to cook food themselves instead of dependent on fast food, which home cooked meals contain more balanced in nutrients than processed food. Another approach is that governments should allocate more budgets on building facilities that are accessible to ensure healthy lifestyle of citizens. For example, build more public gyms and parks. People will be more aware to exercise when they have time. In, to decrease the number of overweight population in every countries is both a responsibility for governments and citizens. Information regarding to serious impact of getting overweight must be passed through generations to promote healthy lifestyle and increase both physical and emotional well-being to everyone.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the noun phrase Original: has been one of a major health issues Suggested revision: has become one of the major health issues Why it matters: The pattern is 'one of the' followed by a plural noun.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: around Suggested revision: of Why it matters: 'Parts of the world' is the standard geographical expression.
- 3. Use base verb Original: discussed Suggested revision: discuss Why it matters: A modal verb such as 'will' must be followed by the base form.
- 4. Repair the noun phrase Original: causes relating to a rise of overweight population Suggested revision: causes of the rise in the overweight population Why it matters: The revised prepositions and article form a grammatical noun phrase.
- 5. Remove the preposition Original: tackle with them Suggested revision: tackle them Why it matters: 'Tackle' takes a direct object and does not require 'with'.
- 6. Use the fixed expression Original: In these days Suggested revision: These days Why it matters: The current-time expression is 'these days' without 'in'.
- 7. Add the article Original: business environment Suggested revision: the business environment Why it matters: This singular countable phrase refers to the general contemporary environment and needs an article.
- 8. Use concise causation Original: makes people have to work harder Suggested revision: forces people to work harder Why it matters: The replacement avoids the awkward double causative construction.
- 9. Use the standard phrase Original: earn money for living and survive Suggested revision: earn a living and survive Why it matters: 'Earn a living' is the established expression for supporting oneself financially.
- 10. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The adjective 'impossible' takes 'for' when identifying the affected people.
- 11. Improve the expression Original: their choice of food Suggested revision: their preferred food choices Why it matters: This wording conveys habitual selection more naturally.
- 12. Repair the relative clause Original: which they tend to loss in nutrients Suggested revision: which tend to be low in nutrients Why it matters: The relative pronoun refers to the foods, and 'low' is the required adjective.
Suggested Rewrites
- has been one of a major health issues has become one of the major health issues
- around of
- discussed discuss
- causes relating to a rise of overweight population causes of the rise in the overweight population
- tackle with them tackle them
- In these days These days
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both causes and measures with relevant, easy-to-follow ideas about time pressure, diet, education, and public facilities. Its main limitation is the high frequency of grammatical and collocational errors, while some solutions are explained only briefly. The highest priority is to improve sentence-level accuracy—especially verb forms, agreement, articles, and clause boundaries—while showing more clearly how each proposed measure would change behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers causes and solutions with relevant examples, although the development of some measures remains brief or general.
Extend each solution by explaining the mechanism through which it would reduce obesity and improve fitness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-to-solution progression is clear and linking is generally helpful, but paragraphing is absent and several long sentences are awkwardly connected.
Separate the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion into clear paragraphs and avoid joining complete ideas with commas.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing health and policy, but recurring word-form and collocation errors make expression noticeably unnatural.
Build accurate topic phrases such as raise public awareness, rely on fast food, and invest in accessible facilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, plurals, and sentence construction reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete main clause and then correct subject–verb agreement and verb tense consistently.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.