Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. Why this could be the case? What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?
Sample Response
The right proportion of the population of all age groups is an important aspect of the social, economic and overall growth of a country. However, in some countries, the ratio of the younger population, who are below 16 years old, has increased significantly in recent years. This essay delves into the reasons for this phenomenon and explores the current and future effects of this trend in such countries.
Having a large proportion of youths in certain countries can be attributed to various factors. Firstly, improved healthcare and advancements in medical technology have led to increased life expectancy, resulting in a larger youth population. With better access to healthcare facilities, vaccinations, and disease prevention measures, many countries have witnessed this demographic shift. Moreover, social and cultural factors play a significant role in it as well. In some countries, cultural norms and traditions encourage larger families, leading to a higher birth rate and subsequently a larger youth population.
About the current effect of this trend, increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since younger generations are mostly schoolgoers, parents would have to suffer to get their children admitted to a good school due to excessive competition. Many poor parents would be forced to send their children to work, and this will increase child labour in many developing and underdeveloped countries. Finally, the disproportion of population age distribution in such countries will lead to the scarcity of skilled labours and other professionals.
To consider the future effects of this trend, I believe that it would mostly depend on the economic factors and job facilities of a country. If the country has great economic stability and can create plenty of job opportunities in the future, the under-aged population now would become the de facto to the economy in the future and that would enable the country to develop rapidly. The country will have a huge number of workers and professionals in the future and they would be able to increase the GDP growth of such a country. On the contrary, if the country fails to ensure jobs and business opportunities when those children will become adults, the outcome would be dire.
To conclude, although a right proportion of the population age distribution is necessary, this is not the case in many countries. Based on a country's economic condition, education, training, and job facilities, the increasingly younger generation can be a great asset or burden.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise proportion Original: the ratio of the younger population Suggested revision: the proportion of young people Why it matters: Proportion is the more natural term for describing the share of an age group.
- 2. Use natural noun Original: youths in certain countries Suggested revision: young people in certain countries Why it matters: Young people is more natural than youths in this general demographic context.
- 3. Remove vague reference Original: play a significant role in it as well Suggested revision: also play a significant role Why it matters: Removing the vague pronoun makes the connection to the demographic trend clearer.
- 4. Improve opening phrase Original: About the current effect Suggested revision: Regarding the current effects Why it matters: Regarding is the appropriate formal preposition, and the paragraph discusses several effects.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: parents would have to suffer to get Suggested revision: parents may struggle to get Why it matters: Struggle accurately expresses difficulty without the unnatural collocation suffer to get.
- 6. Fix awkward phrase Original: the disproportion of population age distribution Suggested revision: the imbalanced age distribution Why it matters: This concise phrase correctly describes an unequal distribution across age groups.
- 7. Use countable noun Original: labours Suggested revision: workers Why it matters: Labour is normally uncountable, while workers correctly refers to individual professionals.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: economic factors and job facilities Suggested revision: economic conditions and employment opportunities Why it matters: Employment opportunities is the natural expression for the availability of jobs.
- 9. Use demographic term Original: the under-aged population Suggested revision: the young population Why it matters: Under-aged is not a natural label for this population group.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: the de facto to the economy Suggested revision: a major asset to the economy Why it matters: De facto cannot function as a noun meaning an economic asset.
- 11. Fix GDP collocation Original: increase the GDP growth Suggested revision: contribute to GDP growth Why it matters: Contribute to GDP growth is the appropriate collocation for this meaning.
- 12. Fix time clause Original: when those children will become adults Suggested revision: when those children become adults Why it matters: A present-tense verb is required in a future time clause introduced by when.
Suggested Rewrites
- the ratio of the younger population the proportion of young people
- youths in certain countries young people in certain countries
- play a significant role in it as well also play a significant role
- About the current effect Regarding the current effects
- parents would have to suffer to get parents may struggle to get
- the disproportion of population age distribution the imbalanced age distribution
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its broad coverage of causes and both present and future effects, with a clear conditional view of how the young population may become an asset or burden. Its main limitation is that some reasoning is questionable or insufficiently supported, especially the link between longer life expectancy and a larger share of children. Prioritise more precise causal logic and consistently natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions clearly and develops several relevant current and future effects, although one principal causal claim is logically weak.
Explain how each cause specifically increases the proportion of under-16s and support the effects with more precise causal reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes, current effects, future outcomes, and a concise conclusion, with clear paragraph purposes.
Use smoother topic sentences and less mechanical transitional phrasing when moving between the two effects sections.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is broad enough for demographic and economic discussion, but several awkward or inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as job facilities and skilled labours with natural, context-appropriate collocations and check word form choices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally controlled, while occasional article, agreement, and clause errors do not impede meaning.
Improve accuracy in future-time clauses, noun agreement, and article use while retaining the existing sentence variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. Why this could be the case? What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.