Some people help their community as an individually while others help through organisation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The community is an incredible way to give aid to poor, unhealthy or many other who face many fundamental problems on earth. There are two modes to give aid to the community like some people donate money, food or many more individually while others as an organisation through. We will look at both sides before drawing a logical corollary. Some people believe that if they aid to a community by as an organisation then it is very beneficial for community donation because in organisation’s people do work or collect money as a unity so it is obvious that if they collect as a group from door to door then they collect positively correlated with individually. For instance, In India, the most famous organisation as in worldwide is 'Athithi Dev Bavo', which helps to many persons or communities. They provide foods, shelter or good education, as well as they, provide a job opportunity to a poor person who is not able to get this thing in their lives. Thus they believe that helping the community as an organisation is better. On the contrary side, some other people think that if they donate something to the community as an individually then it is beneficial for community and donor. They think if they donate money in the organisation then sometimes they do not utilise the money as an incredible way and sometimes some group of people use the donation for other purposes. Moreover, it is also beneficial to earn a more popularity. For instance, the actors of any industry give huge money to the community to earn a more popularity even some rich person also do this thing. However, some rich people make hospital or school for the community where people can get many free facilities such as free treatment, free medicine as well as free operation facility. As an evidence, in Japan, there several individual people who made a contribution to building up numerous hospitals and schools for giving a higher education or cure to the community and thus, they believe the giving a help by direct is creditable. To sum up, although above look reveals solid evidence for both sides argument, I strongly believe that if we pay as an independent then its positive correlated with the organisation and the money utilities as in incredible mode, unlike organisation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix aid verb pattern Original: aid to a community Suggested revision: aid a community Why it matters: Aid takes a direct object when it is used as a verb.
- 2. Fix organisation phrase Original: by as an organisation Suggested revision: through an organisation Why it matters: Through correctly expresses the channel by which the help is provided.
- 3. Clarify fundraising benefit Original: donation Suggested revision: fundraising Why it matters: Community fundraising clearly names the collective activity being described.
- 4. Fix plural possession Original: in organisation’s people Suggested revision: in organisations, people Why it matters: The sentence refers generally to multiple organisations and needs a comma before the following clause.
- 5. Use group collocation Original: unity Suggested revision: unit Why it matters: As a unit is the natural expression for people acting together.
- 6. Clarify comparison Original: they collect positively correlated with individually Suggested revision: they collect more than individuals do Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a grammatical comparison between group and individual collections.
- 7. Lowercase after comma Original: In Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In remains lowercase because it continues the sentence after the introductory phrase.
- 8. Remove faulty prepositions Original: as in worldwide Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide functions as an adverb here and does not take as in.
- 9. Fix help construction Original: helps to many persons or communities Suggested revision: helps many people and communities Why it matters: Help takes a direct object, and and correctly joins the two groups receiving support.
- 10. Use uncountable food Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is normally uncountable when it refers generally to provisions.
- 11. Fix clause coordination Original: as well as they, provide Suggested revision: and they also provide Why it matters: The revised coordinator creates a grammatical parallel clause without the misplaced comma.
- 12. Use plural beneficiaries Original: a job opportunity to a poor person Suggested revision: job opportunities to poor people Why it matters: The plural form matches the general claim about the people the organisation helps.
Suggested Rewrites
- aid to a community aid a community
- by as an organisation through an organisation
- donation fundraising
- in organisation’s people in organisations, people
- unity unit
- they collect positively correlated with individually they collect more than individuals do
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay addresses organised and individual community support, provides examples for each, and reaches a clear preference for direct individual giving. Its strongest content is the contrast between organisational scale and concerns about misuse of donations, while severe grammatical and lexical problems frequently obscure the reasoning. Prioritise two clearly stated comparisons expressed in short, accurate sentences, with examples that directly demonstrate effectiveness and accountability.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both approaches are discussed and an opinion is given, but several examples and claims are unclear, weakly supported, or only loosely connected to community benefit.
Compare organisational reach with the transparency of direct help, giving one credible, clearly explained example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable path from organisational help to individual help and a conclusion, but absent paragraphing, run-on sentences, and unclear references weaken progression.
Use an introduction, one paragraph per view, and a conclusion, with each paragraph built around one explicit claim.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant vocabulary for charity and community support appears, but very frequent inaccurate word choices, collocations, and word forms make meaning difficult.
Use simple precise terms such as 'donate directly,' 'charitable organisation,' 'pool resources,' 'misuse funds,' and 'ensure accountability.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, prepositions, pronouns, and verb forms often obstruct communication despite some understandable clauses.
Write short subject-verb-object sentences first, then check every verb and noun phrase before attempting longer comparisons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people help their community as an individually while others help through organisation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.