In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Why is this so? Is this a positive or negative development?
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Sample Response
Individualism seems to be on the rise in many parts of the world, where individuals prioritise their personal objectives and aspirationsgive high priority to their personal objectives and aspirations over the common good. This essay will discuss why capitalism is the primary cause of this growing phenomenon, and then explain that it is a negative development because it brings about income inequality and social stratification.
Capitalism placeslays great emphasis on private property rights, freedom and the pursuit of self-interest. It acknowledges individuals as independent actors who can make choices and pursue their goals on their own. This stress on individualism encourages individuals to engage in cutthroat competitiontake part in cutthroat competition so as to climb up the social ladder. A case in point is the United States of America. ThisThe capitalist country promotes an individualistic society where people compete with each other to ascend the social ladder. Capitalism thus fosters individualism through fierce competition.
The increasing importance of individualism contributes to inequality and social stratification. That is to say, the urge to achieve personal successacquire personal achievement in an individualist society can aggravate income disparity and social division. When people focus exclusively on their own success, those who are underprivileged may be left behind. This, in turn, leads to the accumulation of wealth and power in the hands of a small elitea few elites. Take the USA asfor an example, which promotes individualistic values. The country experiences severeenormous income disparity, with a small group of elites possessing a large portion of the wealth.
To conclude, capitalism is the root cause of this growing emphasis on individualistic values as it encourages individuals to compete with one another in order to realise personal ambitions and aspirationspersonal ambition and aspiration, and I think this is a negative development because it widens inequality and social divisionsenhances disparity and social stratification.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear position, disciplined organisation, and confident use of sophisticated language to connect capitalism with individualism and social inequality. Its main limitation is that both arguments rely heavily on the same United States example and assert broad causal links without much qualification. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the explanation with a distinct mechanism or contrasting society that tests the claimed relationship.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with a clear negative position and relevant, logically developed reasons.
Qualify the broad capitalism-individualism link and support each part with distinct evidence rather than repeating the same national example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly through a focused introduction, one cause, one consequence, and a concise conclusion.
Reduce lexical and conceptual repetition between the supporting sentences so that each paragraph advances the argument more sharply.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of capitalism, competition, inequality, and social hierarchy.
Refine occasional collocations such as acquiring achievement and taking the USA for an example to make expression consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only isolated awkward constructions that do not impede meaning.
Polish the few awkward relative and example-introducing structures while retaining the strong variety of sentence forms.