Some people believe that family has the greatest influence on children’s development while others think that other areas such as television and friends have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is often argued \topic that Family is a pillar of society and plays a vital role in kids’ growth, whereas others have different views and TV and friends have a major influence on them. In my opinion, Family significantly impacts toddlers’ expansion as they spend more time with them and learn from them. Children, especially teenagers and youngsters, have an impact from Family but more from outside, like friends, environment, and teachers.
Parents have extraordinary impacts on their children’s growth, especially in shaping a good childhood. Teach them the value of Family, relationships, and responsibility in a child by parents, and it plays an influential role in their maturity. Love and attention from parents develop a strong character in a child, while the lack of proper parenting often ruins it. Children mostly mimic their parents and become more like them. Undoubtedly, this single fact proves how important it is for a child to have a family and good parenting.
To become successful and confident in life, we need to study in a school, interact with teachers and neighbours, have friends, face challenges, learn from our environment, and gain social experiences. And all those factors have crucial roles to play in a child’s life. Outside the home, children encounter different situations that teach them how to solve their own problems. Children learn these skills in schools which help them to have an everyday life beyond their family borders.
To conclude, while parents significantly impact children’s attitudes and growth, social interactions and external factors are also important. They cannot be ignored for a child’s overall development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Delete stray text Original: \topic Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This appears to be an accidental template marker and has no grammatical role in the sentence.
- 2. Lowercase common noun Original: Family Suggested revision: family Why it matters: “Family” is a common noun here and should not be capitalized.
- 3. Use academic wording Original: kids’ growth Suggested revision: children’s development Why it matters: The replacement is more formal and precise for an academic essay.
- 4. Repair contrast clause Original: whereas others have different views and TV and friends have a major influence on them Suggested revision: whereas others believe that television and friends exert a greater influence Why it matters: The revised clause makes the contrasting view grammatically clear and removes the vague pronoun.
- 5. Avoid overlapping terms Original: teenagers and youngsters Suggested revision: teenagers and other young people Why it matters: “Teenagers” and “youngsters” overlap, so the revised phrase avoids redundancy.
- 6. Correct influence structure Original: have an impact from Family Suggested revision: are influenced by their families Why it matters: The original “have an impact from” construction is ungrammatical for receiving influence.
- 7. Complete the comparison Original: but more from outside Suggested revision: but even more by external factors Why it matters: The replacement completes the passive comparison introduced earlier in the sentence.
- 8. Add possessive determiner Original: friends, environment, and teachers Suggested revision: friends, their environment, and teachers Why it matters: “Environment” needs a determiner to fit naturally in this list.
- 9. Correct impact collocation Original: extraordinary impacts Suggested revision: a profound impact Why it matters: “Have a profound impact” is the natural singular collocation in this general statement.
- 10. Clarify development claim Original: shaping a good childhood Suggested revision: supporting healthy development Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the developmental idea more precisely.
- 11. Correct causative structure Original: develop a strong character in a child Suggested revision: help a child develop a strong character Why it matters: The revised structure correctly shows how parental love and attention support the child's development.
- 12. Clarify vague reference Original: often ruins it Suggested revision: can undermine that development Why it matters: This replacement identifies the affected outcome and avoids the overly absolute verb “ruins.”
Suggested Rewrites
- \topic Delete
- Family family
- kids’ growth children’s development
- whereas others have different views and TV and friends have a major influence on them whereas others believe that television and friends exert a greater influence
- teenagers and youngsters teenagers and other young people
- have an impact from Family are influenced by their families
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both family influence and external influences through relevant, logically separated ideas, and its central message remains understandable. The main limitation is an unclear position: the introduction first favours family, then appears to favour outside influences, while the conclusion only says both matter. The highest-priority improvement is to state one consistent comparative opinion and support it explicitly throughout the essay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views receive relevant discussion, but the writer's own comparative position is inconsistent and insufficiently developed.
State clearly which influence is greater, then use the body analysis and conclusion to justify that same position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is logical and progression is generally clear, although some sentence links and internal sequencing are awkward.
Create a clearer progression within each body paragraph by moving from a focused claim to explanation and a concrete illustration.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, but several inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as toddlers' expansion, have an impact from, and family borders with natural, context-appropriate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring errors in sentence construction, pronoun reference, and capitalization remain noticeable.
Prioritize complete clause structures and unambiguous pronoun references, especially when explaining what parents teach children.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that family has the greatest influence on children’s development while others think that other areas such as television and friends have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.