Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
[Advantages outweigh the disadvantages]
The increasing accessibility of information technology has revolutionized where and how individuals work, offering a multitude of advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, although there are drawbacks, the benefits significantly outweigh the disadvantages of this arrangement.
One of the primary disadvantages of remote work is the potential for increased isolation and reduced collaboration among colleagues. For instance, employees who work from home or travel extensively might experience a lack of face-to-face interaction, hindering effective communication and teamwork. Additionally, this mode of work can blur the boundaries between personal and professional life, leading to longer working hours and higher stress levels. Furthermore, another drawback is the dependence on technology and the risk of potential technical issues disrupting work productivity. For instance, network connectivity problems or system crashes can impede workflow, resulting in delays and frustrations for employees.
However, the advantages of mobile work are substantial. One significant advantage is the flexibility it provides in managing work-life balance. Employees can tailor their schedules to accommodate personal commitments, leading to increased job satisfaction. Additionally, it reduces commuting time and costs, contributing positively to the environment by decreasing traffic congestion and emissions.
In conclusion, while there are drawbacks to working outside the traditional workplace, such as reduced collaboration and potential technical issues, the flexibility and freedom offered by mobile work significantly outweigh these disadvantages. The ability to balance work and personal life effectively, along with reduced commuting, stands as compelling reasons in favour of this mobile work trend. Therefore, the benefits of this mobility substantially outweigh the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: increasing accessibility of information technology Suggested revision: increasing access to information technology Why it matters: "Access to information technology" is the more natural collocation for availability.
- 2. Avoid inflated wording Original: multitude Suggested revision: range Why it matters: "A range of" is more measured and precise in this academic context.
- 3. Use precise reference Original: this mode of work Suggested revision: this working arrangement Why it matters: "Working arrangement" refers more naturally to remote or mobile work.
- 4. Remove double transition Original: Furthermore, another drawback Suggested revision: Another drawback Why it matters: "Furthermore" and "another" perform the same additive linking function here.
- 5. Remove redundant modifier Original: the risk of potential technical issues Suggested revision: the risk of technical issues Why it matters: "Risk" already expresses possibility, so "potential" is unnecessary.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: disrupting work productivity Suggested revision: reducing productivity Why it matters: Technical issues reduce productivity or disrupt work, rather than disrupt productivity.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: frustrations Suggested revision: frustration Why it matters: "Frustration" is more natural as an uncountable result in this general statement.
- 8. Improve preposition choice Original: flexibility it provides in managing work-life balance Suggested revision: flexibility it provides for maintaining work-life balance Why it matters: "Flexibility for maintaining" expresses the function of that flexibility more naturally.
- 9. Clarify the pronoun Original: it reduces commuting time and costs Suggested revision: mobile work reduces commuting time and costs Why it matters: Naming the subject removes the unclear reference of "it" to the preceding sentence.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: contributing positively to the environment Suggested revision: benefiting the environment Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same environmental effect more directly.
- 11. Remove awkward wording Original: this mobile work trend Suggested revision: mobile work Why it matters: The shorter term names the arrangement directly without the vague noun "trend".
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing accessibility of information technology increasing access to information technology
- multitude range
- this mode of work this working arrangement
- Furthermore, another drawback Another drawback
- the risk of potential technical issues the risk of technical issues
- disrupting work productivity reducing productivity
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s clearest strength is its well-signposted position and fluent explanation of several practical disadvantages of working remotely. The main limitation is that the advantages, although relevant, receive much less development, so the claim that they outweigh the drawbacks is asserted more strongly than it is demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the relative importance of the two sides explicitly and deepen the benefits paragraph with a specific causal example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question with a clear position and relevant discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, but the weighing is unevenly developed.
Explain why flexibility and reduced commuting are more consequential than the three identified drawbacks, using a concrete comparative example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear progression and paragraphs are logically organised, although the conclusion repeats the position at some length.
Use the conclusion to synthesise the comparison more concisely rather than restating the outweigh judgment several times.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective expressions for isolation, work-life boundaries, and technical disruption.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as “work productivity” and “stands as compelling reasons” to improve naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally strong control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and sentence structure when combining singular and plural ideas in long concluding sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.