Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
With the process of economic globalisation, many countries and regions have strengthened cooperation and liaison in the fields of industry, agriculture, trade and finance. In order to dedicate to the mutual development, many developed countries spare no effort to help the poor countries by means of technological, medical and financial aid, which, to my mind, is quite essential to the development of the world. Firstly, aids from developed countries optimise people's living standard and eradicate poverty in the poor countries. Due to the backwardness of science and technology, people in some undeveloped countries and regions such as Africa, Latin America and Asia suffer a great deal from poverty, hunger and the scarce of water. International aids from developed countries have improved their living environment and helped them with the development of agriculture, industry and economy. Secondly, international aids give good medical care and help promote hygienic condition in the poor countries. Malaria, cholera and smallpox were once severe threats to people's health. With the help of the World Health Organization and some developed countries, these diseases have been eliminated soon and the residents in the infected areas survived these deadly diseases, which would have devoured millions of lives without international aid. Finally, aids to the undeveloped countries, in turn, benefit the donators. Due to the limitation of natural and human resources, the production cost rises sharply in the developed countries. With a view to reducing cost, many countries transferred their assembly lines and production bases to the developing countries, which not only solves the problem of low rate of employment in the developing countries but also make full use of the local resources. Nevertheless, some countries are showing great concern about the mal-expense of their aid aroused by bureaucracy and corruption of some governments. Therefore, the governments should take effective measures to utilise international aids reasonably and prevent abuse. Only with the help of international aids, can our world develop more quickly and steadily.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: With the process of economic globalisation Suggested revision: With economic globalisation Why it matters: The replacement removes an unnecessary and unnatural nominal phrase.
- 2. Choose the right noun Original: liaison Suggested revision: coordination Why it matters: “Coordination” fits collaboration between countries more naturally than “liaison” here.
- 3. Fix the verb pattern Original: In order to dedicate to the mutual development Suggested revision: To contribute to mutual development Why it matters: “Dedicate to” cannot be used in this structure to mean contribute.
- 4. Use neutral concise wording Original: the poor countries by means of Suggested revision: poorer countries through Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and avoids the wordy phrase “by means of.”
- 5. Use uncountable aid Original: aids Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: “Aid” is uncountable when referring generally to assistance.
- 6. Use the plural noun Original: standard Suggested revision: standards Why it matters: The general quality of life of many people is conventionally expressed as “living standards.”
- 7. Avoid an absolute claim Original: eradicate Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: “Reduce” expresses the claimed effect without implying that poverty is always completely eliminated.
- 8. Use standard terminology Original: undeveloped Suggested revision: developing Why it matters: “Developing countries” is the conventional neutral term in this context.
- 9. Use the noun form Original: the scarce of water Suggested revision: water scarcity Why it matters: “Scarce” is an adjective, while this noun phrase requires “scarcity.”
- 10. Use uncountable aid Original: aids Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: “Aid” is uncountable when it refers to assistance in general.
- 11. Use precise phrasing Original: helped them with the development of Suggested revision: supported the development of Why it matters: The replacement states the relationship more directly and formally.
- 12. Fix noun and verb choice Original: international aids give good medical care Suggested revision: international aid provides medical care Why it matters: The uncountable noun takes a singular verb, and “provides” collocates naturally with medical care.
Suggested Rewrites
- With the process of economic globalisation With economic globalisation
- liaison coordination
- In order to dedicate to the mutual development To contribute to mutual development
- the poor countries by means of poorer countries through
- aids aid
- standard standards
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear support for international aid, developed through relevant discussion of poverty, health, and reciprocal economic benefits. Its main limitation is the unbroken paragraph structure, compounded by recurrent awkward or inaccurate word choices that reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the argument into focused paragraphs and systematically revise collocations and noun forms related to aid and development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response presents a clear position, develops several relevant benefits of aid, and addresses misuse by proposing stronger government oversight.
Engage more directly with the argument for withholding aid by explaining why monitoring is a better response than ending assistance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence through social, medical, and economic benefits, but it is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Divide the response into an introduction, separate body paragraphs for distinct reasons, and a conclusion to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of formal and topic-specific vocabulary, but recurrent miscollocations and word-form errors reduce precision.
Use accurate forms and collocations such as aid, water scarcity, donors, misuse of funds, and improve living standards.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and meaning remains clear, although agreement, tense, article, and noun-form errors recur.
Check agreement and parallelism in long sentences, especially constructions such as not only solves but also make and plural noun phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
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