Some people say that there is no need to give international aid by governments as they already have unemployment and homeless in their own country. How far do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?
Sample Response
It is a big concern for many people that it is not a compulsory responsibility of their government to provide international aid to other countries owing to the fact that they have some obstacles in their home country. In my opinion, I would like to stay in middle ground of this debate.
Firstly, one important aspect of a government is to invest money in their own country instead of giving wealth to other countries. In fact, it is true that when the unemployment rate is high in a country and people of this country need better economic structure, they would not support that their governments supply aid and money to other poor countries. Naturally, they would expect their own problems to be sorted out first. For instance, if any government invests money for the constructions of many new organisations like factories and health departments in their homeland, there will be more chances of development of country and high opportunities to control on unemployment.
Another important thing for any country’s government is to provide homes and some other facilities to homeless people rather than lending money to other countries because in this way the economy would be better than before in that country. If any government has extra money firstly they should focus on compulsory needs of their own country after that it can be provided as the international aid to other countries.
However, we live in a single globe and when people in some parts of the world are starving, many others have opulent resources. Sharing among nations can ensure a better world. The economic structure of the present world would never allow a country to ensure 100% employment and houses for people to live in. there will always be homeless people and jobless youth even in developed countries. So considering these, a rich nation should always help the poor nations in need. Don’t we help people with our resources and money when we still have a scarcity of these? Similarly, a comparatively rich country should always raise the helping hand to the poor nations. The sharing of wealth will eliminate more pressing problems in poor nations and thus in return they would also help in other ways. For example, rich countries like the USA invest in research facilities in many Asian countries and in return they can have meritorious scientists living and working for them and better business understanding.
In conclusion, the government of a country should first fulfil the necessity of its own citizens. To a certain extent, they should share their extra wealth to poor countries as the international aid that can be helpful for both of the countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: a compulsory responsibility Suggested revision: a responsibility Why it matters: A responsibility already implies an obligation, so “compulsory” is redundant.
- 2. Use correct expression Original: stay in middle ground Suggested revision: take a middle-ground position Why it matters: The original phrase is not an idiomatic way to express a balanced position.
- 3. Choose precise noun Original: aspect Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: Investing money is described as a governmental responsibility, not an aspect of the government itself.
- 4. Use precise term Original: giving wealth Suggested revision: providing aid Why it matters: “Providing aid” names the action under discussion more accurately.
- 5. Fix preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: People who live within a country are described with the preposition “in.”
- 6. Add article Original: need better economic structure Suggested revision: need a better economic structure Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase requires an article.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: support that their governments supply Suggested revision: support their governments supplying Why it matters: “Support” does not naturally take a that-clause with this meaning.
- 8. Fix preposition and number Original: invests money for the constructions Suggested revision: invests money in the construction Why it matters: Money is invested “in” construction, and “construction” is uncountable in this general use.
- 9. Improve development phrase Original: more chances of development of country Suggested revision: greater opportunities for national development Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations and avoids the missing article before “country.”
- 10. Fix unemployment phrase Original: high opportunities to control on unemployment Suggested revision: better opportunities to reduce unemployment Why it matters: “Control on unemployment” is not idiomatic, while “reduce unemployment” states the intended outcome clearly.
- 11. Match aid meaning Original: lending money to other countries Suggested revision: providing aid to other countries Why it matters: International aid is broader than a loan, so “providing aid” matches the argument.
- 12. Fix clause punctuation Original: extra money firstly they should Suggested revision: extra money, it should first Why it matters: The conditional clause needs a comma, and the pronoun should agree with singular “government.”
Suggested Rewrites
- a compulsory responsibility a responsibility
- stay in middle ground take a middle-ground position
- aspect responsibility
- giving wealth providing aid
- of in
- need better economic structure need a better economic structure
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in presenting a clear qualified position and considering both domestic priorities and the case for international aid with relevant support. Its main limitation is uneven development and frequent awkward collocation, with the domestic case becoming repetitive and some claims remaining broad. The highest-priority improvement is to streamline overlapping points, qualify generalizations, and express the central conditions for providing aid in more precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear middle-ground position is maintained, and both sides are relevantly discussed with explanation and examples.
Develop the conditions governing the final position more precisely and avoid repeating closely related domestic-priority points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically and paragraphing is clear, though two early body paragraphs cover substantially overlapping ideas.
Combine related domestic concerns into one focused paragraph and use the saved space to sharpen the comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary, but recurring unnatural collocations and imprecise choices reduce flexibility and accuracy.
Use natural policy language for government spending, unemployment reduction, essential needs, and the provision of aid.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is evident, but article, agreement, pronoun-reference, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Edit long conditional and contrastive sentences for complete clauses, consistent references, and accurate punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that there is no need to give international aid by governments as they already have unemployment and homeless in their own country. How far do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.