Some people believe that increasing business and cultural contacts between different countries have positive development, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In this era of globalization, nations have become interdependent where trade and culture are not restricting within a country’s border, and this is considered a welcoming aspect by many. However, some individuals are worried that this trend is likely to dilute the nation’s identities. I will explicate both sides of the arguments in this disquisition before presenting my certitude to the former perspective.
To commence with, the positive outcomes related to international trade and cross-cultural exchange are immense, and the most notable is the global surge in economic growth. What this means, with increased business contacts among various nations, more employment opportunities have emerged in various sectors such as technology, tourism, and education, which paved the way to strengthen the economies across the globe. A good example for illustration is that the advent of multinational organizations in India has provided livelihood to innumerable college graduates over the last few decades, which has proven to be a boon for the country’s growth. Hence, the meritorious side of global trade cannot be underestimated.
Nevertheless, those who are against globalization express their support on valid grounds. The rise in global business and cultural interchange is often linked with the gradual fading of national’s identities. To put it simply, modern-day people are keen on understanding foreign cultures and adapting them to the point of altering their lifestyles. The best example to explain this is the massive influence of western culture on eastern nations. Traditional attires are on the verge of disappearance and are now merely a piece of clothing to wear only on certain occasions. For these reasons, the cross-cultural impact is likely to be linked with few setbacks.
To sum up, I pen down stating that, although globalization has its own share of drawbacks, it is largely a beneficial phenomenon for the global nations, which are benefited immensely on account of massive economic gains.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct wording Original: explicate Suggested revision: discuss Why it matters: Discuss is clearer and more appropriate for describing the essay's purpose.
- 2. Use singular argument Original: arguments Suggested revision: argument Why it matters: The phrase refers to the two sides of one debate, so argument should be singular.
- 3. Use natural register Original: disquisition Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: Essay is the natural term here, while disquisition sounds unnecessarily ornate.
- 4. Use natural transition Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: This transition is more natural and avoids an overly formal tone.
- 5. Complete comparison structure Original: the most notable is Suggested revision: the most notable of these is Why it matters: Of these is needed to identify one outcome from the plural set already mentioned.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: livelihood Suggested revision: livelihoods Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural because it refers to employment for many graduates.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: which has proven to be Suggested revision: a development that has proven to be Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes the unclear reference of which.
- 8. Use precise noun Original: the meritorious side of global trade Suggested revision: the benefits of global trade Why it matters: Benefits directly and naturally names the positive outcomes being discussed.
- 9. Clarify opposition Original: express their support on valid grounds Suggested revision: have valid grounds for their opposition Why it matters: The revision makes clear that these people oppose globalization rather than support it.
- 10. Fix possessive form Original: national’s Suggested revision: national Why it matters: National functions as an adjective here and should not take a possessive apostrophe.
- 11. Choose accurate verb Original: adapting them Suggested revision: adopting aspects of them Why it matters: People adopt aspects of cultures; adapting them would mean modifying the cultures themselves.
- 12. Capitalize regional term Original: western Suggested revision: Western Why it matters: Western is capitalized when it denotes a recognized cultural region.
Suggested Rewrites
- explicate discuss
- arguments argument
- disquisition essay
- commence begin
- the most notable is the most notable of these is
- livelihood livelihoods
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents both perspectives, supports them with relevant examples, and maintains a clear preference for the benefits of global contact. Its main weakness is that ambitious wording frequently becomes unnatural, while several grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to favour accurate, idiomatic language over ornate expressions and to proofread sentence structures for agreement, tense, and article errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, with each side supported by a relevant, developed example.
Deepen the evaluation by explaining more explicitly why the economic benefits ultimately outweigh the cultural drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into well-focused paragraphs, and its progression is easy to follow throughout.
Reduce formulaic linking phrases so that transitions arise more naturally from the development of ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and ambitious, but several forced or inaccurate collocations weaken naturalness and precision.
Replace ornate expressions such as 'presenting my certitude' with simpler, idiomatic wording that conveys the argument precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a good variety of complex forms, though recurring agreement, article, tense, and clause-structure errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and consistent tense, and simplify clauses whose structure becomes awkward.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that increasing business and cultural contacts between different countries have positive development, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.