Some people think that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries bring many positive developments. Others say it can cause the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Sample Response
People have different views about the impacts of globalization. Although this development could exert positive influences on national economy, I am of great concern that the preservation of national identities would be deterred.
On the one hand, it is argued by many that cross-border economic and cultural cooperation could be the major drive of national growth. Firstly, increased international trade could create conditions for an economy to grow by leveraging their competitive advantages and boosting their export earnings. The benefit is best shown through robust economic development of net exporters like X country. With the elimination of economic barriers between countries, X country, a hub of agricultural products, has earned a huge flow of foreign exchange by emerging as the second largest rice exporter worldwide. Improvement in people’s spiritual lives would also accompany. Besides that, borderless cultural contact means that people have chances to get exposed to foreign cultures, whose diversity could enable them to enrich their knowledge and have more choices of entertainment. The popularity of Korean and US – UK music products in Y country could exemplify this point.
On the other hand, I am more of the belief that the uniqueness of individual countries could be under threat as a consequence of growing international cooperation. Multinational corporations could put them in a position to influence local cultural values and promote Western ones in nations having their presence. This is because these Western ideologies could be easily assimilated into local cultures when Western-standard products are marketed and consumers familiarize themselves with new lifestyles these goods create. This might, in the long run, result in a homogeneous set of beliefs and values adopted and the erosion of cultural diversity worldwide.
In conclusion, it is irrefutable that globalization has backed economic and social developments in many countries. However, the danger of losing national identities is also obvious. To avoid such a consequence, I believe that nations need to take actions to preserve their cultural identity through proper education and bolstered social cohesion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: on national economy Suggested revision: on the national economy Why it matters: A singular countable reference to the national economy requires the definite article here.
- 2. Correct adjective form Original: I am of great concern that Suggested revision: I am greatly concerned that Why it matters: The writer needs the adjective concerned rather than the noun phrase of great concern.
- 3. Use accurate collocation Original: the preservation of national identities would be deterred Suggested revision: national identities would be eroded Why it matters: Deter does not collocate naturally with preservation, while eroded accurately expresses gradual loss.
- 4. Use the correct noun Original: the major drive of national growth Suggested revision: a major driver of national growth Why it matters: Driver, rather than drive, denotes a force that causes economic growth.
- 5. Match the pronoun Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular antecedent an economy requires the singular possessive its.
- 6. Match the pronoun Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The possessive pronoun must agree with the singular antecedent an economy.
- 7. Clarify the example Original: like X country Suggested revision: such as Country X Why it matters: Such as is more precise for introducing a formal example, and Country X is the natural placeholder form.
- 8. Improve economic phrasing Original: a huge flow of foreign exchange Suggested revision: substantial foreign-exchange earnings Why it matters: This phrase states the economic benefit more concisely and naturally.
- 9. Use a formal linker Original: Besides that Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: In addition is a more natural formal transition between the two benefits.
- 10. Tighten the phrase Original: have chances to get exposed to Suggested revision: have opportunities to experience Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and avoids the cumbersome get exposed to construction.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: choices of entertainment Suggested revision: entertainment choices Why it matters: Entertainment choices is the more idiomatic noun phrase.
- 12. State the view directly Original: I am more of the belief that Suggested revision: I believe more strongly that Why it matters: The replacement conveys the comparison more directly and idiomatically.
Suggested Rewrites
- on national economy on the national economy
- I am of great concern that I am greatly concerned that
- the preservation of national identities would be deterred national identities would be eroded
- the major drive of national growth a major driver of national growth
- their its
- their its
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both perspectives with a clear, consistently maintained preference and supports its claims through relevant economic and cultural explanations. Its main limitation is that several examples remain generic placeholders and some phrasing is unnatural or imprecise, which reduces authority and fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to replace the invented X and Y examples with specific, fully explained evidence while tightening collocations and sentence wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference is clear, with generally relevant development of economic, cultural, and identity-related effects.
Replace the generic X and Y country examples with specific, credible evidence and explain more precisely how each example proves the claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two contrasting body sections, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen transitions within the first body paragraph so the shift from economic gains to cultural benefits feels less abrupt.
Lexical Resource
A broad topic-specific vocabulary is used, but several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Prioritise natural collocations such as economic growth, cultural exposure, and corporate presence instead of forcing more elaborate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, although agreement, reference, and article errors occur occasionally.
Check pronoun agreement and noun phrases carefully, especially where countries, corporations, and cultural ideas are referred to across long sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries bring many positive developments. Others say it can cause the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.