Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The globalization of business and culture has grown in recent years, and countries’ rising engagement in this has been met with both enthusiasm and apprehension. Some regard it highly, while others are worried that it will lead to the loss of national identities. In this, I believe that improved business and cultural relations between countries are more likely to be positive.
There are several reasons to be concerned that an expansion of this practice will cause national identities to fade. Initially, a country too focused on cultural exchange may allow its media to be flooded with foreign products. This neglect, in turn, can cause said country’s young generation to grow up without a concept of their traditional culture. The same can be said for international trade, where an eagerness for it can be counterproductive to national identity. If Vietnam were to completely abolish restrictions on rice imports, its rice would experience intense competition from goods produced by other countries, such as Thailand, and as a result, the Vietnamese people might end up forgetting that Vietnam itself is popular for rice crops.
However, this situation is largely a helpful development. A major reason for this view is that economic growth happens as countries exchange goods and services. In history, nations which are deeply involved in trading with others have experienced prosperity, as opposed to those characterized by autarky. Increasing cultural contact between countries, meanwhile, fosters better understanding between different nationalities. People can learn about each other’s customs, develop respect for others’ ways of life, and seek to integrate positive values into their belief system, all thanks to cultural exchange. Therefore, an expansion of business and cultural relations would produce multi-pronged benefits.
In conclusion, while this matter can be interpreted as both advantageous and disadvantageous, I am more inclined to believe in its positivity. Nevertheless, it is important to strike a balance, so that nations can reap rewards from international trade and cultural exchange without sacrificing their own identity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: countries’ rising engagement in this Suggested revision: countries’ growing participation in these exchanges Why it matters: The revision specifies what countries are increasingly participating in.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: Some regard it highly Suggested revision: Some view these developments positively Why it matters: This wording makes the object and the attitude more explicit.
- 3. Correct the reference Original: neglect Suggested revision: exposure Why it matters: The preceding sentence describes exposure to foreign media rather than neglect.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: said country’s young generation Suggested revision: the country’s younger generation Why it matters: The revision is more natural and less legalistic in an academic essay.
- 5. Match the pronoun Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular country requires the singular possessive pronoun its.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: where an eagerness for it Suggested revision: for which excessive enthusiasm Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward expression eagerness for international trade.
- 7. Use a logical subject Original: its rice would experience intense competition Suggested revision: its domestic rice producers would face intense competition Why it matters: Producers, rather than rice itself, experience commercial competition.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: Vietnam itself is popular for rice crops Suggested revision: Vietnam is well known for rice production Why it matters: Well known for rice production is the natural expression for this meaning.
- 9. Make wording concise Original: this situation is largely a helpful development Suggested revision: this trend is largely beneficial Why it matters: The revision expresses the evaluation more directly and naturally.
- 10. Use concise transition Original: In history Suggested revision: Historically Why it matters: Historically is the conventional adverb for introducing a general historical comparison.
- 11. Avoid awkward nominalization Original: its positivity Suggested revision: its positive effects Why it matters: Positive effects states the intended evaluation in a more natural form.
- 12. Use plural agreement Original: identity Suggested revision: identities Why it matters: The plural noun nations calls for the plural noun identities here.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries’ rising engagement in this countries’ growing participation in these exchanges
- Some regard it highly Some view these developments positively
- neglect exposure
- said country’s young generation the country’s younger generation
- their its
- where an eagerness for it for which excessive enthusiasm
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its balanced, clearly signposted discussion and sustained control of complex language, with a consistent opinion throughout. Its main limitation is that a few supporting claims, especially the rice example, are somewhat speculative or loosely connected to the loss of national identity. The highest-priority improvement is to make each example more credible and explicitly explain how it proves the paragraph’s central claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed in depth, and the writer maintains a clear, qualified position supported by relevant ideas.
Strengthen the response by replacing the speculative rice example with evidence that more directly demonstrates how trade can erode national identity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesion handled smoothly.
Make the internal links in the first body paragraph slightly tighter so each example develops the precise concern introduced in its topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas effectively, with only occasional awkward choices such as “positivity” and “popular for rice crops.”
Prefer more natural collocations, such as “the benefits of international contact” and “renowned for rice production,” when expressing abstract or culturally specific ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, and the rare minor lapses do not impede communication.
Refine article, reference, and number choices in the few dense sentences to make already strong grammatical control even more exact.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.