It is sometimes said that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The notion that people who travel abroad are more tolerant and have a better comprehension of other cultures and faiths has been a topic of considerable discussion. In this essay, I will agree with the view and express that international travel does indeed foster greater tolerance and understanding among individuals.
One significant reason why travelling outside one's own country promotes tolerance and understanding is the exposure to diverse cultures. When individuals venture beyond their familiar surroundings, they are immersed in new customs, traditions, and ways of life. For instance, a person visiting Japan from Europe may encounter different social norms and etiquette. Through this experience, they come to appreciate the significance of bowing as a gesture of respect and learn about the value placed on harmony in Japanese culture. Such encounters enable travellers to understand and respect cultural differences, fostering a sense of tolerance and acceptance. Moreover, interacting with people from various backgrounds and beliefs broadens one's perspective on global issues, fostering empathy and compassion towards those who face different challenges and experiences.
Another compelling factor contributing to the development of tolerance through international travel is the opportunity to challenge stereotypes and prejudices. Often, misconceptions about other cultures are rooted in ignorance or lack of exposure. For example, a person from a Western country may have preconceived notions about Middle Eastern culture based on media portrayals. However, when they visit a Middle Eastern country, they might discover a warm and hospitable community, breaking down stereotypes and dispelling unfounded prejudices.
In conclusion, exposure to diverse cultures and the opportunity to challenge stereotypes and prejudices create a conducive environment for personal growth and increased empathy. International travel not only broadens one's horizons but also nurtures a sense of acceptance and appreciation for the richness of human diversity. Thus, travelling abroad positively influences an individual's level of tolerance and understanding of differences.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: comprehension Suggested revision: understanding Why it matters: Understanding is the more natural noun in this context.
- 2. Remove the article Original: is the exposure to diverse cultures Suggested revision: is exposure to diverse cultures Why it matters: Exposure is used uncountably here, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 3. Refine the pairing Original: different social norms and etiquette Suggested revision: unfamiliar social norms and forms of etiquette Why it matters: The revision pairs a countable phrase naturally with the uncountable noun etiquette.
- 4. Choose a precise noun Original: significance Suggested revision: role Why it matters: Role expresses the social function more precisely than significance.
- 5. Fix the shared preposition Original: from Suggested revision: with Why it matters: With applies naturally to both backgrounds and beliefs.
- 6. Clarify the comparison Original: those who face different challenges and experiences Suggested revision: those whose challenges and experiences differ from their own Why it matters: The revision makes the point of comparison explicit and avoids the awkward phrase face experiences.
- 7. Reduce nominalisation Original: factor contributing to the development of tolerance through international travel Suggested revision: way international travel develops tolerance Why it matters: The direct clause is clearer and less cumbersome.
- 8. Avoid overlapping terms Original: rooted in ignorance or lack of exposure Suggested revision: rooted in limited knowledge or exposure Why it matters: Limited knowledge and exposure form a clearer parallel pair.
- 9. Use direct wording Original: create a conducive environment for personal growth and increased empathy Suggested revision: support personal growth and increased empathy Why it matters: The direct verb removes a formulaic and wordy construction.
- 10. Specify the object Original: differences Suggested revision: others Why it matters: Others refers more clearly to the people discussed in the task.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: In this essay, I will agree with the view and express that international travel does indeed foster greater tolerance and understanding among individuals. Suggested revision: I agree that international travel fosters greater tolerance and understanding among individuals. Why it matters: This version removes unnecessary metadiscourse and the unnatural phrase express that.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: However, when they visit a Middle Eastern country, they might discover a warm and hospitable community, breaking down stereotypes and dispelling unfounded prejudices. Suggested revision: However, visiting a Middle Eastern country may reveal a warm and hospitable community and thereby help to break down stereotypes and dispel unfounded prejudices. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the final actions a clear grammatical link to the travel experience.
Suggested Rewrites
- comprehension understanding
- is the exposure to diverse cultures is exposure to diverse cultures
- different social norms and etiquette unfamiliar social norms and forms of etiquette
- significance role
- from with
- those who face different challenges and experiences those whose challenges and experiences differ from their own
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and well-developed use of relevant cultural examples to explain how travel may build tolerance. Its main limitation is some repetition of the central ideas and vocabulary, particularly around tolerance, understanding, and fostering empathy. The highest-priority improvement is to add greater analytical nuance, such as acknowledging that exposure alone may not change attitudes, while expressing the argument more concisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses the question, maintains an unequivocal position, and supports both main reasons with relevant examples.
Introduce a brief qualification about when travel may fail to change attitudes to make the position more critically developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with focused paragraphs and clear progression from cultural exposure to challenged stereotypes.
Condense repeated explanations of tolerance and empathy so that each sentence adds a distinct step to the argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise, particularly in discussing cultural exposure, stereotypes, prejudice, and personal growth.
Limit repetition of words such as tolerance, understanding, and fostering by using more varied and concise formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are combined accurately, and grammatical control remains strong throughout the response.
Replace the slightly mechanical introductory construction with a more direct thesis while preserving the accurate sentence control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is sometimes said that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.