Internet access helps young people and workers achieve their education and work goals more easily than before. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
With the advent of the internet, young people can now achieve their work and study goals much more easily than in the pastfar easier than in previous years. Personally, I only partly agree with this idea because I do not believe that the internet has made such a significant effect on how well people work and studysuch a significant impact on the quality of people’s work and study.
To begin with, the internet has made studying and working much more convenient for many people. These days, many students do not need to leave home in order to attend class, as many classes and courses are now offered online. This convenience saves studentsThis makes it very convenient for students as it saves them tremendous amounts of time commuting to and from school , giving them more timeand therefore gives them more time to do their homework and finish assignments. SimilarlyIn a similar manner, many office workers can now also workcan also now work from the comfort of their own homeshome with a computer and access to the internet. With the use of video-conferencing and email, employees can easily work from home and still communicate effectively with their coworkers whilst being able to meet the demands of work and home life far more efficiently.
However, I do not believe that the convenience the internet provides means that people will achieve their goals more easily. Firstly, achieving work and study goals requires focus and determination. Unfortunately, the internet has become one of the main sources of distraction amongst workers and students these days, hindering their progress dailyon a daily basis. With instant access to social media and online shopping at people’s fingertips, many people find it difficultmany find it very difficult to maintain concentration for long periods of time. Furthermore, many people would argue that studying online is not as effective as studying in a classroom with face-to-face teaching, and that working from home does not produce work of significantly better quality or in greater quantityproduce work of any more significant quality or quantity than being in the workplace.
In conclusion, I do not believe that the internet has made achieving work and study goals any easier than before due to the distractions it creates for peoplethe distractions that it provides people with.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its well-developed, logically balanced discussion of how internet access improves convenience yet can undermine progress through distraction. Its main limitation is that the stated position shifts from partial agreement in the introduction to complete disagreement in the conclusion, making the precise extent of agreement unclear. The highest-priority improvement is to maintain one consistently qualified position throughout the essay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of the claim are explored with relevant, developed reasoning, but the degree of agreement is inconsistent between the introduction and conclusion.
State one precise level of agreement and ensure that the conclusion reflects the same qualified position established in the thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from convenience to limitations, and paragraphs and cohesive devices are used effectively to organize the discussion.
Make the transition from improved convenience to unchanged goal achievement even more explicit to sharpen the central line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and generally precise, with effective language for education, remote work, concentration, and productivity, despite a few awkward combinations.
Refine less natural phrases about quality, quantity, and the effects that the internet provides to improve idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with most sentences remaining error-free and easy to follow.
Polish word order and modifier placement in longer sentences to make already strong grammatical control more concise.