An increasing number of families have computers at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for minors?
Sample Response
Due to cutting-edge Technology, numerous families have electronic gadgets. Resultantly, these are benefiting as well as damaging the immature. Suffice to say that they make themselves updated with modern technology and simultaneously adopting a sedentary lifestyle.
At the outset, computers are lucrative for children as they keep themselves abreast with the outer world and do their work conveniently. Thus computers with internet access have lessened their burden of school assignments as well as their stress. Juveniles are able to do multi-task and they feel elated to play games, listen to music, and chatting with their friends. For instance, Now the availability of varied types of apps like Funbrain Jr., Fish School, Science 360 and to name but a few are helping offsprings to broaden the horizon of their knowledge, as well as these Apps, are based on learning by doing so children entertain themselves and their learning remains for long-lasting.
On the other hand, its downsides can not be ignored as they will spend maximum time on computers and which can have deleterious effects on their psyche and body. In addition, the communication barrier in a family is another issue because children will have less conversation due to spending more time doing their work on E-gadgets and poor communication can lead the children to reach unwanted sites due to lack of parental supervision. Thus, there are great chances of misleading the children. Children are not enough mature to distinguish between moral and immoral. So, uncontrolled children will be difficult for the parents to tackle consequently childhood itself would be in peril due to technology. To exemplify it, many children attend Zoom classes and simultaneously, they chit chat with their friends and now and then any illegal activity on the internet catches their attention and it will diminish their interest in the study and they develop enmity for anyone, who supervise them.
In conclusion, Computers are beneficial for minors in speeding up their productivity and making them relaxed when they play games on them; however, there are myriad chances to channelize their energy in the wrong direction. Lack of proper communication, overuse of the internet for pornography, etc.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase common noun Original: Technology Suggested revision: technology Why it matters: Technology is a common noun here and should not be capitalised.
- 2. Use precise noun Original: electronic gadgets Suggested revision: computers Why it matters: Computers identifies the device in the task more precisely than the broad phrase electronic gadgets.
- 3. Use natural connector Original: Resultantly Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: As a result is a more natural linking expression in this context.
- 4. Improve parallel structure Original: benefiting as well as damaging Suggested revision: both benefiting and harming Why it matters: The paired construction both ... and creates correct parallel structure.
- 5. Name the group clearly Original: the immature Suggested revision: minors Why it matters: The immature is an unnatural noun phrase for referring to children.
- 6. Complete fixed expression Original: Suffice to say that Suggested revision: Suffice it to say that Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the pronoun it.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: make themselves updated Suggested revision: keep themselves up to date Why it matters: Keep themselves up to date is the natural collocation for remaining informed.
- 8. Link actions correctly Original: and Suggested revision: while Why it matters: While correctly links the finite verb phrase to the simultaneous participial phrase.
- 9. Use appropriate adjective Original: lucrative Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: Lucrative refers to financial profit, whereas beneficial expresses a general advantage.
- 10. Use natural phrase Original: outer Suggested revision: wider Why it matters: Wider world is the conventional phrase for the world beyond one's immediate surroundings.
- 11. Improve the collocation Original: lessened their burden of school assignments Suggested revision: reduced the burden of their school assignments Why it matters: Reduced the burden is the more natural collocation, and their clearly links the assignments to the children.
- 12. Use the verb form Original: do multi-task Suggested revision: multitask Why it matters: Multitask is used directly as a verb without do.
Suggested Rewrites
- Technology technology
- electronic gadgets computers
- Resultantly As a result
- benefiting as well as damaging both benefiting and harming
- the immature minors
- Suffice to say that Suffice it to say that
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both benefits and risks and uses a clear four-paragraph structure, with several relevant examples. Its main limitation is that ideas are sometimes expressed through imprecise claims, awkward vocabulary, and error-heavy long sentences, while the ending becomes a fragment rather than a fully developed conclusion. The priority is to express each main point in shorter, grammatically controlled sentences and explain its consequence precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed with relevant examples, although some claims are insufficiently explained or loosely connected.
Develop each main benefit or risk through a clear cause-and-effect explanation instead of adding several partly explored points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and an overall logical direction, but progression within sentences is sometimes weakened by overlong chains and unclear references.
Divide long sentences into focused units and use referencing words only when their antecedents are unmistakable.
Lexical Resource
There is a fairly broad vocabulary and an evident attempt to use less common language, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as access inappropriate websites, spend excessive time, and communicate less within the family.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, though frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence boundaries limit control.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause, consistent verb forms, and correct subject-verb agreement before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of families have computers at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for minors?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.