A group of people say that Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
There are arguments to suggest that online activities have detrimental effects onfor youngsters. Although some people are not convinced byon this perspective, it can be argued that the World Wide Webthat World Wide Web has a considerable number of repercussions that affect children’s livesaffect lives of children. Primarily, it is widely believed that there are lots of unsuitable materials that may appear on the computer screen. It might be the case that children would access pornographic websites, which can depict depraved insights in their behaviour. This behaviour can be shown to those teenagers who are highly exposed to pornographic film, thus their perceptions towards women become eccentric. To illustrate, a higher incidence of rape intent has attributed to some teenagers, and studies have shown that perverted films have a blatant relevance on the way they act in the society. In addition, it can never be denied that internet innovationsthe innovation of the internet such as an improvementsuch as improvement in the communication system have caused some youngsters to becomehas made some youngsters to become preoccupied within a virtual socialisation. There is a school of thought that believes that teenagers nowadaysteenagers, nowadays, do not partake in a face to face interaction because of the convenience that social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram can provide. OnIn some occasions, teenagers might think that social media has very useful applications, which make conversations more interesting. For example, there are some social media platformsthere is some social media that can displaydelineate emoticons and video messages that appear more entertainingappear to more entertaining to the young group. Furthermore, the sedentary nature of internet usenature of internet appears to have a great influence on their health. Not only does it restrict them to an actual conversationrestrict to an actual conversation, it also encourages some children to avoid engaging in recreational activities like exercise or sports. Admittedly, there are reasons to suggest that the internet has provided websites that display interactive lessons and updated information, which can make learning more engagingboisterous. However, the consensus is that children cannot learn this without teachers, who can provide a detailed discussion and reliable response, to supervise them. To conclude, I would argue that online websites pose numerous disadvantages in their lives. It would be better if there is parental guidancea parental guidance among children who are yet incognizant about the use of the internetusage of internet.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and offers several relevant dangers, including unsuitable content, reduced face-to-face interaction, and physical inactivity. However, the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, and frequent unnatural word choices and grammatical errors sometimes obscure the intended logic. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the ideas into distinct paragraphs and express each claim in simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent position and several relevant reasons, but some support is unclear or insufficiently convincing.
Explain each danger through a precise cause-and-effect chain and use plausible evidence rather than loosely asserted examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognisable sequence and frequent signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks and some mechanical linking weaken progression.
Create separate paragraphs for harmful content, social and health effects, the counterargument, and the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices sometimes strain or obscure meaning.
Prefer accurate familiar wording and replace expressions such as depraved insights, blatant relevance, and learning more boisterous.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Use shorter clause patterns and check each sentence for articles, verb forms, and correctly attached relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A group of people say that Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.