People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The fact that many people today use the internet to experience other countries means that it is no longer as important to actually travel to those nations. In my opinion, though travel has its benefits, this is largely true.
Proponents of travel often claim that real life experience trumps virtual experience. Compare, for instance, the recent Google Museum project which catalogues collections from famous museums in high resolution photos available to anyone with internet access. This is no doubt a positive development but it pales in comparison to the experience of walking through the Louvre and seeing the brushstrokes up close, going on a guided tour, and talking with other museum-goers. This holds true for a variety of experiences that are enhanced by being physically present in the moment.
Although there are good reasons to continue to travel on occasion, the internet allows people to access the majority of the experience remotely. The most salient example of this is the ubiquity of YouTube for internet users around the world. A child from an impoverished background, who still has internet access, probably cannot travel to other countries but they can watch travel documentaries, vlogs, and archived television shows that show cultures around the world. The makers of these videos not only bring their experience but also aggregate the most noteworthy events and individuals that even the most adventurous traveller would have difficulty finding the time to locate.
To conclude, travelling still plays a role in life but the internet has largely replaced its primary importance in life. There will come a time when the virtual world too fully overcomes the physical but for the moment it is still beneficial.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the activity Original: use the internet to experience other countries Suggested revision: use the internet to learn about other countries Why it matters: People normally experience a country through direct contact, whereas online material helps them learn about it.
- 2. Add clause comma Original: positive development but Suggested revision: positive development, but Why it matters: A comma should separate the two independent clauses joined by but.
- 3. Specify the reference Original: This holds true Suggested revision: This contrast applies Why it matters: Naming the contrast makes the reference to the preceding comparison clearer.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: the majority of the experience Suggested revision: most of this experience Why it matters: This wording is more idiomatic and refers clearly to the experience just discussed.
- 5. Add clause comma Original: countries but they can Suggested revision: countries, but they can Why it matters: A comma is needed before but when it joins two independent clauses.
- 6. Avoid word repetition Original: shows that show cultures Suggested revision: programmes depicting cultures Why it matters: The revision removes the distracting repetition of show while preserving the meaning.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: bring their experience Suggested revision: share their experiences Why it matters: People share experiences with an audience rather than bring an experience in this context.
- 8. Choose precise verb Original: locate Suggested revision: discover Why it matters: Discover better describes encountering noteworthy cultural events and people.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: To conclude, travelling still plays a role in life but the internet has largely replaced its primary importance in life. Suggested revision: To conclude, travelling still plays a role in life, but the internet has largely replaced its former importance. Why it matters: The original possessive reference is unclear and repeats in life unnecessarily.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: There will come a time when the virtual world too fully overcomes the physical but for the moment it is still beneficial. Suggested revision: There may come a time when the virtual world fully supersedes the physical one, but for now travelling remains beneficial. Why it matters: The revision fixes the awkward word order and clarifies what remains beneficial.
Suggested Rewrites
- use the internet to experience other countries use the internet to learn about other countries
- positive development but positive development, but
- This holds true This contrast applies
- the majority of the experience most of this experience
- countries but they can countries, but they can
- shows that show cultures programmes depicting cultures
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and supports it with well-chosen contrasts between direct and online cultural experience, while progressing smoothly through focused paragraphs. Its main limitation is that the conclusion becomes speculative and uses slightly imprecise phrasing instead of consolidating the argument. The highest-priority improvement is to make the final judgement more exact by directly comparing what online access can replace with what physical travel uniquely provides.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear qualified agreement is maintained and developed through relevant, well-explained examples of virtual and physical cultural experience.
Sharpen the final extent judgement by explicitly distinguishing the aspects of cultural learning the internet can replace from those travel uniquely offers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used naturally throughout.
Make the conclusion a tighter synthesis of the two body arguments rather than adding a new speculative prediction.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately sophisticated, with strong choices such as catalogues, ubiquity, and aggregate.
Replace occasional vague expressions such as primary importance in life with wording that identifies the exact value of travel being discussed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor non-impeding lapses.
Refine the punctuation and phrasing of the longest sentences so their internal comparisons remain effortlessly clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.