In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
With the Internet having a huge impact on our shopping, work and communication, we can now live without any face-to-face interaction with other people. Whilst making modern life more convenient in some ways, this situation is a negative trend in the long run.
In this day and age, we can literally stay at home and have almost anything delivered to our homes as most consumer goods are widely available for online purchase. We also have more opportunities in terms of employment because many applications like Skype or Google Hangouts allow employees to work from home. Members of an organization nowadays rely on email and other online platforms to maintain effective communication and ensure their businesses operate smoothly. When it comes to personal relationships, we use Facebook to connect and stay in touch with friends and relatives. The Internet, without doubt, enhances our shopping experiences, makes our workplaces more streamlined and efficient, and f acilitates our communication with others.
However, we are faced with a foreseeable and unfortunate consequence due to our reliance on such technology. We are losing direct interactions that are deemed extremely important in this technological era. Children hardly spend time talking to their parents because they are too engrossed in media hype on Facebook. It is common to see both young and old people with their eyes glued to their phones instead of having conversations like they did before the advent of smart devices. This is leading us toward a society where people will turn to favoring virtual interactions and undervaluing real life relationships.
The influence of the Internet on many aspects of our lives is remarkable. However, the benefits it offers do not justify the fact that it is inflicting severe damage on our relationships, which can only flourish on the basis of true communication.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise category Original: applications like Suggested revision: platforms such as Why it matters: “Platforms” more precisely describes the communication services named, while “such as” introduces formal examples.
- 2. Clarify the referent Original: businesses Suggested revision: organizations Why it matters: “Organizations” refers clearly back to the workplaces whose members were introduced.
- 3. Streamline emphasis Original: The Internet, without doubt, Suggested revision: The Internet undoubtedly Why it matters: The adverb conveys the same emphasis more smoothly within the sentence.
- 4. Repair malformed word Original: f acilitates our communication Suggested revision: improves our communication Why it matters: The malformed word disrupts readability, and the replacement preserves the intended meaning with a substantive lexical edit.
- 5. Improve causal phrasing Original: consequence due to our reliance Suggested revision: consequence of our reliance Why it matters: A consequence is conventionally described as being “of” a cause in this structure.
- 6. Use consistent term Original: direct interactions Suggested revision: face-to-face interaction Why it matters: The replacement identifies the kind of interaction discussed throughout the essay more precisely.
- 7. Correct word choice Original: media hype on Facebook Suggested revision: content on Facebook Why it matters: “Media hype” means intense publicity and does not accurately denote the material children view on the platform.
- 8. Remove wordiness Original: turn to favoring Suggested revision: favor Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the projected preference without the unnecessary “turn to” construction.
- 9. Clarify list structure Original: shopping, work and communication Suggested revision: shopping, work, and communication Why it matters: The added serial comma makes the three parallel areas immediately clear.
- 10. Remove unnecessary intensifier Original: literally stay at home Suggested revision: stay at home Why it matters: “Literally” adds no useful meaning because staying at home is already meant in its ordinary sense.
- 11. Clarify causal link Original: as most consumer goods are widely available for online purchase Suggested revision: because most consumer goods are widely available online Why it matters: “Because” states the causal relationship more directly than the potentially ambiguous “as.”
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Whilst making modern life more convenient in some ways, this situation is a negative trend in the long run. Suggested revision: Although this situation makes modern life more convenient in some ways, it is a negative trend in the long run. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the opening subordinate clause an explicit subject and removes the dangling modifier.
Suggested Rewrites
- applications like platforms such as
- businesses organizations
- The Internet, without doubt, The Internet undoubtedly
- f acilitates our communication improves our communication
- consequence due to our reliance consequence of our reliance
- direct interactions face-to-face interaction
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, consistent judgement and supports it with a well-organized contrast between practical convenience and damage to direct relationships. Sentence control and vocabulary are strong, and the argument progresses smoothly, though the positive side is somewhat list-like and a few expressions are imprecise. The best improvement would be to deepen the causal analysis and use more exact examples of how online interaction affects relationships.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question, maintains a clear negative judgement, and develops relevant benefits and drawbacks with supporting examples.
Deepen the explanation of why lost face-to-face contact causes lasting relational harm rather than relying mainly on observed behavior.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and cohesive links create clear progression from the qualified thesis to the final judgement.
Shape the first body paragraph around a stronger central claim instead of moving through a list of separate online conveniences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise, with effective language for technology, efficiency, and social relationships.
Correct the isolated spelling error and replace imprecise wording such as media hype with language that exactly describes online distraction.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled with strong control, and nearly all sentences are accurate and easy to follow.
Maintain the same control while trimming a few heavily layered sentences to make key claims even more immediate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.