Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence?
Sample Response
There are modern investigations that have asserted that various forms of media such as World Wide Web and television have enormously affected individual’s perspectives. Although some might believe that government officials are more influential being in the society, it can be argued that broadcasted information in media generates bigger impact on their decisions. Primarily, government officials are those people who are more affluent and authoritative. They have wealth and power to manipulate people’s actions. There are some cases that people have been promised that the government will bring changes to the status of a country. Furthermore, elite lawmakers were also the one who propose legislations, which creates overall control of a society. As a result, citizens have left any choices but to oblige to the law. In contrast, there are also justifications that state that mass media has a higher influential contribution to the public. Firstly, the scope of information in multifarious forms of media is presumably broad. The information such as news, knowledge and updates are delivered instantly at people’s convenience. Secondly, these days, celebrities are now being used by media to advertise products, which are negligible among the crowd. Some arguments suggest that these successful people have the higher chance of persuasion because they are often being shown in various forms of media. In my opinion, I assert that mass media have changed people’s actions because of the diverse range of information it has. Indubitably, government officials have the prerogatives to undermine people because they hold the privilege to introduce legislations. However, some justifications state that people’s democratic rights can contradict the verdicts of the government in a form of appeal or revolution. To conclude, the influence of government leaders in a country is undeniable because of monetary advantages and bestowed powers, but the scope of messages in media and the collaboration of celebrities have a strong impact on people's lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: World Wide Web Suggested revision: the World Wide Web Why it matters: The name of this global network normally takes the definite article.
- 2. Use plural possessive Original: individual’s perspectives Suggested revision: individuals’ perspectives Why it matters: The plural possessive is needed because the claim concerns multiple people.
- 3. Remove faulty structure Original: more influential being in the society Suggested revision: more influential in society Why it matters: The participle “being” is ungrammatical in this comparison.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: broadcasted information Suggested revision: information broadcast Why it matters: “Information broadcast” is the natural expression for material transmitted by the media.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: generates bigger impact Suggested revision: has a greater impact Why it matters: English normally uses “have an impact,” with “greater” for this comparison.
- 6. Clarify sequencing Original: Primarily Suggested revision: To begin with Why it matters: This transition more clearly introduces the first side of the discussion.
- 7. Improve parallel wording Original: more affluent and authoritative Suggested revision: wealthier and more authoritative Why it matters: “Wealthier” makes the comparison parallel and more direct.
- 8. Use precise phrasing Original: bring changes to the status of a country Suggested revision: change the state of the country Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and obscures the intended idea of national change.
- 9. Fix agreement and tense Original: were also the one Suggested revision: are also the ones Why it matters: The plural subject requires “ones,” and the general claim should remain in the present tense.
- 10. Use uncountable noun Original: legislations Suggested revision: legislation Why it matters: “Legislation” is normally uncountable when referring to laws collectively.
- 11. Clarify reference Original: which creates overall control of a society Suggested revision: which gives them broad control over society Why it matters: The revision supplies a clear recipient and the correct preposition after “control.”
- 12. Correct fixed expression Original: have left any choices Suggested revision: are left with no choice Why it matters: The standard passive expression is “be left with no choice.”
Suggested Rewrites
- World Wide Web the World Wide Web
- individual’s perspectives individuals’ perspectives
- more influential being in the society more influential in society
- broadcasted information information broadcast
- generates bigger impact has a greater impact
- Primarily To begin with
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a recognisable comparison and consistently leans toward media as the stronger influence, with relevant points about political authority, information reach, and celebrity persuasion. Its main limitation is that several claims remain general or imprecise and the language often uses unsuitable word choices; prioritise clearer explanation of how media changes decisions, supported by one concrete example and more natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both sources of influence and presents a generally clear preference for media, but several supporting points remain broad or only partly explained.
Develop one precise example showing how media affects a person's choices and explicitly compare that effect with political influence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible comparison and uses linking expressions to guide the reader, although the single-block presentation and mechanical transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each side of the comparison, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with less formulaic linking.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer accurate common combinations such as influence decisions, pass legislation, and challenge government decisions over less suitable abstract wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, though recurring agreement, article, plural, and clause-control errors are noticeable.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement, countable noun forms, and complete comparative structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.