According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is evident that, at present, people are spending a considerable amount of time on the Internet, and thus spending less time with real people. I strongly agree that although this use of the Internet has greatly increased the level of communication available, it has also had detrimental effects on the amount and type of social interaction that takes place. The benefits of the Internet in terms of increased communication are clear, with people connected across the globe. In the past, communication was only possible by phone or mail, which entailed time and expense. It also usually meant just keeping in contact with those people already known to you. With the internet, this has changed dramatically. Email and social networking sites such as Facebook and MSN have created online communities that are global in scale, and they have fostered communication between people and countries that we would not have thought possible in the not too distant past. That said, there is no doubt in my mind that this has had negative impacts on social interaction. People, especially the younger generation, spend hours of their time online, chatting and on forums. Although this can be beneficial, it is certainly not the same as real interaction with human beings and does not involve the same skills. It is important that children have and maintain real friendships in order to develop their own interpersonal skills. Not only this, it can also have negative effects on local communities if people are spending most of their time communicating online and not mixing in their neighbourhoods, and possibly lead to feelings of isolation for those individuals who do not have a ‘real’ person to turn to in times of need. To conclude, I believe that the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, but there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is therefore important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Strengthen parallel structure Original: and thus spending less time Suggested revision: and therefore spend less time Why it matters: A finite verb creates clearer parallel structure with the subject 'people.'
- 2. Use precise dimensions Original: amount and type Suggested revision: frequency and quality Why it matters: Frequency and quality describe social interaction more precisely than amount and type.
- 3. Keep pronouns consistent Original: those people already known to you Suggested revision: people they already knew Why it matters: The third-person pronouns align the phrase with the essay's general reference to people.
- 4. Capitalize Internet Original: internet Suggested revision: Internet Why it matters: Internet is treated as a proper noun elsewhere in the response and should be capitalized consistently.
- 5. Clarify participants Original: between people and countries Suggested revision: among people in different countries Why it matters: The revision accurately identifies people, rather than countries, as the communicators.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: hours of their time Suggested revision: hours Why it matters: Hours already denotes an amount of time, so the rest of the phrase is redundant.
- 7. Fix parallel structure Original: online, chatting and on forums Suggested revision: online, chatting and participating in forums Why it matters: Coordinating two gerund phrases makes the activities grammatically parallel.
- 8. Use clear transition Original: Not only this Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: Moreover links the additional consequence directly without an incomplete correlative structure.
- 9. Use plural agreement Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'our' refers to the separate online lives of multiple people.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The benefits of the Internet in terms of increased communication are clear, with people connected across the globe. Suggested revision: The Internet clearly increases communication by connecting people across the globe. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the loose 'with' clause with a direct grammatical statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- and thus spending less time and therefore spend less time
- amount and type frequency and quality
- those people already known to you people they already knew
- internet Internet
- between people and countries among people in different countries
- hours of their time hours
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear, nuanced position and develops both the communicative benefits of the Internet and the risks to face-to-face relationships with precise, fluent language. Its main limitation is presentation as a single undivided paragraph, which obscures the otherwise strong progression from benefits to concerns and conclusion. The highest priority is to separate these stages into purposeful paragraphs while preserving the effective logical links.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit and consistent, and both the acknowledged benefits and the concerns about social interaction are well developed.
Strengthen the argument further by adding a more concrete illustration of how reduced face-to-face contact affects a community or individual.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively, but the entire response is presented without paragraph divisions.
Separate the introduction, benefits, social drawbacks, and conclusion into clear paragraphs with distinct purposes.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and natural, with effective control of language for communication, community, and interpersonal effects.
Refine the few slightly repetitive references to communication and social interaction by varying precise topic-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional awkward coordination or reference.
Polish long sentences by checking that each coordinated clause has a clear subject and parallel grammatical structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.