Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is said that those who pursue and continue with a particular career choice early in life are more likely to experience greater fulfilment in regards to their work than those who tend to switch jobs more regularly. In my opinion, career satisfaction is not determined by when someone chooses a career path or for how long someone pursues it. This essay will outline some important factors believed to be involved.
Choosing a career early in life and pursuing it for an extended period of time can have many great benefits. For example, starting a career early can provide someone with a better financial situation later in life, and hence greater satisfaction. In addition to this, remaining on a particular career path for a long period of time may allow someone to advance to the top of their chosen field through promotion, which may also possibly lead to greater career fulfilment.
On the other hand, those who change jobs or career paths more regularly may also experience many benefits. For example, some people’s personalities are not suitable for staying in a particular job for long periods of time, and they may need to change career paths more regularly to stay satisfied. In addition to this, choosing a career path can be an overwhelming decision for young people without much real world experience, and therefore exploring a range of different career paths early on may lead them to eventually finding a career that will be more suitable for them in the long term.
In conclusion, how one person gains satisfaction from their career may be different from another. Some may gain job satisfaction from how big their salary is, how far they have advanced within a particular company or field, or how much fame or praise they have earned. Others may be just as content or satisfied in knowing that their chosen career is beneficial towards serving the needs of others. Either way, I believe that choosing a career early in life and staying on this career path does not guarantee job satisfaction later in life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard phrase Original: in regards to Suggested revision: with regard to Why it matters: The standard formal expression is ‘with regard to’.
- 2. Remove extra preposition Original: for how long someone pursues it Suggested revision: how long someone pursues it Why it matters: The preposition is unnecessary after ‘determined by’ in this parallel structure.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: great Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: ‘Significant benefits’ is more precise and suitably formal here.
- 4. Repair coordination Original: can provide someone with a better financial situation later in life, and hence greater satisfaction Suggested revision: can give someone greater financial security and career satisfaction later in life Why it matters: The revision coordinates the two outcomes clearly under the same verb.
- 5. Remove redundant hedge Original: also possibly Suggested revision: also Why it matters: Using both adverbs weakens the claim unnecessarily.
- 6. Fix complement structure Original: some people’s personalities are not suitable for staying Suggested revision: some people are not suited to staying Why it matters: People, rather than their personalities, take the complement ‘suited to staying’.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: may lead them to eventually finding Suggested revision: may eventually lead them to find Why it matters: ‘Lead someone to’ takes the base verb ‘find’ in this construction.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: big Suggested revision: high Why it matters: Salary levels are conventionally described as high or low.
- 9. Fix preposition choice Original: towards Suggested revision: in Why it matters: ‘Beneficial in serving’ expresses usefulness in performing this function.
- 10. Improve concluding sequence Suggested revision: Order the concluding examples so they first recap financial advancement and then contrast it with service to others. Why it matters: This sequence would connect the examples more clearly to the two career paths discussed in the body.
Suggested Rewrites
- in regards to with regard to
- for how long someone pursues it how long someone pursues it
- great significant
- can provide someone with a better financial situation later in life, and hence greater satisfaction can give someone greater financial security and career satisfaction later in life
- also possibly also
- some people’s personalities are not suitable for staying some people are not suited to staying
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s clearest strength is its balanced, logically developed consideration of both long-term career commitment and job changes while maintaining a consistent, nuanced position. Its main limitation is that some support remains general and a few points in the conclusion are introduced rather than fully developed. Prioritise deeper, more specific illustration of the central factors and tighten a handful of awkward or redundant phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the claim with a clear, consistent position and relevant discussion of the benefits of both approaches.
Deepen the support with a precise example showing why individual circumstances matter more than career tenure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly.
Vary a few repeated transitions and connect the conclusion’s additional examples more directly to the preceding argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and flexible vocabulary conveys distinctions about fulfilment, promotion, personality, and career exploration precisely.
Polish occasional awkward combinations and remove redundancies such as using both possibility markers in the same clause.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and nearly all sentences are error-free.
Correct the few remaining form and preposition slips, especially after verbs such as lead, to improve precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.