Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happiness and more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
People have different opinions with regard to the question of what to consider while choosing a job. Although I agree the opinion that more incentives and benefits of the job make many individuals happy, I also believe that money is the crucial necessity to be considered to progress in life.
On the one hand, money should not be the only consideration. This is because, when we get a job that we cherish, there would be no place for work related stress and strain. Since we really appreciate our role, we could take the upcoming challenges as a chance to test our potential. The other benefits like health insurance, free medical services, travel allowances are also having positive impacts on the lives of the employees. Moreover, by working in a dream environment could definitely give much personal work satisfaction although it doesn't help financially. Therefore, according to the people who are inclined to the above beliefs, the best way to fetch a job is to completely analyse all these essential benefits and job satisfactions.
On contrary, earning money out of a job has paramount importance. Though there are other relaxations given for an employee, the direct source of happiness for them would be income. This means more money he earns the more he would confidently face the revolutionising world by meeting his self-needs, family needs and also by saving for the future. It is a commonly known fact that the inflation rate is increasing and also the cost of living has become high everywhere. In this scenario, it is absurd to be with a job which doesn't help to progress in terms of money. On the whole, money should be certainly the main consideration while choosing a job.
Finally, while I agree that allowances and enjoyment are prerequisites for career development, I strongly argue that income should also be given priority to get a job that makes us fit in the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add required preposition Original: agree the opinion Suggested revision: agree with the opinion Why it matters: The verb 'agree' requires 'with' before a noun phrase.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: the crucial necessity to be considered to progress in life Suggested revision: a crucial consideration for progressing in life Why it matters: The original phrase is repetitive and uses 'necessity' unnaturally.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: take the upcoming challenges as a chance Suggested revision: view upcoming challenges as opportunities Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended idea more naturally.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: The other benefits Suggested revision: Other benefits Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary because no previously defined set is being referenced.
- 5. Complete the list Original: like health insurance, free medical services, travel allowances Suggested revision: such as health insurance, free medical services, and travel allowances Why it matters: Use 'such as' for examples and add the conjunction before the final item.
- 6. Use simple present Original: are also having Suggested revision: also have Why it matters: A general effect is expressed with the simple present rather than the progressive form.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: satisfactions Suggested revision: satisfaction Why it matters: 'Job satisfaction' is normally an uncountable expression.
- 8. Choose precise verb Original: fetch Suggested revision: choose Why it matters: 'Fetch' does not mean select in this context.
- 9. Complete linking phrase Original: On contrary Suggested revision: On the contrary Why it matters: The fixed contrastive expression requires the definite article.
- 10. Correct preposition Original: earning money out of a job Suggested revision: earning money from a job Why it matters: Income is earned 'from' a job.
- 11. Use idiomatic structure Original: has paramount importance Suggested revision: is of paramount importance Why it matters: The standard construction is 'be of paramount importance.'
- 12. Clarify employee benefits Original: relaxations given for an employee Suggested revision: benefits provided to an employee Why it matters: 'Relaxations' is not the natural word for employment benefits here.
Suggested Rewrites
- agree the opinion agree with the opinion
- the crucial necessity to be considered to progress in life a crucial consideration for progressing in life
- take the upcoming challenges as a chance view upcoming challenges as opportunities
- The other benefits Other benefits
- like health insurance, free medical services, travel allowances such as health insurance, free medical services, and travel allowances
- are also having also have
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both perspectives and maintains a generally clear preference for income, with relevant explanations about satisfaction, benefits, and financial security. Its main weakness is that several ideas are loosely framed or overlap, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision; the highest priority is to develop each viewpoint with one focused, logically connected argument expressed in more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a preference for income is evident, although some supporting points are only partly developed or blur enjoyment with employment benefits.
Develop each view around one distinct central reason and state the final comparison more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, but some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas rather loosely.
Use accurate transitions and make each paragraph follow a clear claim-explanation-result sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a sufficient range for the topic, but frequent unnatural choices such as references to relaxations, fetching a job, and a revolutionising world weaken precision.
Prioritize natural job-related collocations and check that ambitious vocabulary conveys the intended meaning exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, though recurring article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-structure errors remain noticeable.
Review complex sentences for complete clause structure and practise articles, agreement, and comparative forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happiness and more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.