Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important.
Sample Response
It is observed that different people have a varied opinion about the job. According to some individuals, job satisfaction should be given priority when compared to security, while others believe that it is difficult to feel satisfied always, instead permanent job should be preferred. Both the views will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
It is felt by many that work which gives self-satisfaction should be opted rather than fixed job. The primary reason for this belief can be the health benefits offered by the content mind. Working at a place which gives you pleasure not only helps to grow in the professional field but also helps to keep yourself healthy. Thus, it is obvious that successful professional life can also result in the perfect personal life, thereby helping you to keep your family members happy.
While there are some people who consider life-long employment is necessary even if not fulfilled by the type of work. The main cause of believing this can be the assurance of receiving a constant salary. Usually, people need regular income for fulfilling their daily needs and a permanent job means a regular flow of money. Hence, it is apparent that human being will be able to satisfy his family needs, and can, therefore, live a happy satisfied life.
After analysing these two points, it is believed that even though job satisfaction should be considered while accepting jobs, security is very much important for leading comfortable and stress-free life. Without a doubt, people will have a flourishing life if they do not have any tension of future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural opinions Original: a varied opinion Suggested revision: varying opinions Why it matters: Different people hold multiple opinions, so the plural noun and adjective are required.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: Both the views Suggested revision: Both views Why it matters: “Both” directly determines the plural noun, so “the” is unnecessary.
- 3. Use neutral essay verb Original: critiqued Suggested revision: discussed Why it matters: “Discussed” accurately describes considering two perspectives without implying fault-finding.
- 4. Correct contented phrase Original: health benefits offered by the content mind Suggested revision: health benefits of a contented mind Why it matters: “Contented” describes satisfaction, whereas “content” does not function correctly here.
- 5. Keep reference consistent Original: Working at a place which gives you pleasure Suggested revision: Doing work that gives people satisfaction Why it matters: The revision avoids shifting from the general subject “people” to second-person “you.”
- 6. Use natural career phrase Original: helps to grow in the professional field Suggested revision: helps them grow professionally Why it matters: “Grow professionally” is the natural expression and supplies a clear object reference.
- 7. Fix pronoun consistency Original: helps to keep yourself healthy Suggested revision: helps them stay healthy Why it matters: The plural third-person pronoun matches the essay's general reference to people.
- 8. Add indefinite article Original: successful professional life Suggested revision: a successful professional life Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase requires an article.
- 9. Avoid absolute claim Original: the perfect personal life Suggested revision: a fulfilling personal life Why it matters: “Fulfilling” conveys a positive outcome without the unsupported absolute “perfect.”
- 10. Maintain third person Original: helping you to keep your family members happy Suggested revision: helping people keep their family members happy Why it matters: The revision removes the unexplained shift to second-person “you.”
- 11. Use belief collocation Original: The main cause of believing this Suggested revision: The main reason for this belief Why it matters: A belief has a “reason,” while the original phrase is not idiomatic.
- 12. Use salary collocation Original: constant Suggested revision: regular Why it matters: “Regular salary” naturally describes predictable recurring pay.
Suggested Rewrites
- a varied opinion varying opinions
- Both the views Both views
- critiqued discussed
- health benefits offered by the content mind health benefits of a contented mind
- Working at a place which gives you pleasure Doing work that gives people satisfaction
- helps to grow in the professional field helps them grow professionally
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear comparison between fulfilment and stable income, followed by a definite conclusion that security is more important. Its main limitation is depth and precision: each side rests largely on one broad claim, while recurring awkward collocations and grammar errors reduce clarity; the highest-priority improvement is to develop how each factor affects workers over time using one specific, realistic example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the final position is clear, but the arguments remain general and are supported mainly through assertions rather than specific evidence.
Add one concrete workplace example showing the trade-off between meaningful work and dependable income, then explain why security ultimately carries more weight.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and logical movement through the two views to a conclusion, though formulaic framing and some loose sentence links reduce fluency.
State the position in the introduction and use direct topic sentences instead of impersonal phrases such as “It is felt by many.”
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for work, wellbeing, income, and family needs, but frequent collocational errors such as “content mind” and “perfect personal life” reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “peace of mind,” “job fulfilment,” “financial stability,” and “meet family needs.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures conveys the main ideas, but errors with articles, verb patterns, agreement, and sentence openings recur.
Correct forms such as “should be chosen,” “people who consider lifelong employment necessary,” and “a comfortable life.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.