Is it better to rear children in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Which do you think has greater positive impact on the child’s future?
Sample Response
With the proliferation of technology and adaptation of western culture, the interaction between family members is declining. As compared to the extended families in the past, in the modern era, nuclear families are prevailing. But according to my opinion, large families play a great role to shape a children's future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: adaptation of western culture Suggested revision: adoption of Western culture Why it matters: Adoption expresses taking on a culture, and Western requires a capital letter.
- 2. Streamline comparison Original: As compared to Suggested revision: Compared with Why it matters: This concise form introduces the comparison more naturally.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the extended families Suggested revision: extended families Why it matters: The plural noun refers to extended families generally, so no definite article is needed.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: are prevailing Suggested revision: are becoming more common Why it matters: This phrase more naturally describes a growing family pattern.
- 5. Correct opinion phrase Original: according to my opinion Suggested revision: in my opinion Why it matters: In my opinion is the standard expression for introducing a personal view.
- 6. Correct verb pattern Original: a great role to shape Suggested revision: a major role in shaping Why it matters: Role is followed by in and a gerund when describing its function.
- 7. Fix possessive agreement Original: a children's future Suggested revision: children's futures Why it matters: The indefinite article cannot modify the plural possessive children's.
Suggested Rewrites
- adaptation of western culture adoption of Western culture
- As compared to Compared with
- the extended families extended families
- are prevailing are becoming more common
- according to my opinion in my opinion
- a great role to shape a major role in shaping
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response communicates a preference for a joint or extended family and uses some ambitious vocabulary, so its central direction is identifiable. However, at only 50 words, it offers almost no explanation, comparison, or support and therefore cannot adequately answer either part of the task. The priority is to build a full essay with developed reasons and specific examples showing why the chosen family structure benefits a child's future.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A preference for larger families is stated, but the two-part question is barely addressed and no idea is developed or supported.
Explain several concrete benefits of the preferred family type, compare it with the alternative, and support the argument with examples in at least 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three sentences follow a basic background-to-position sequence, but the extreme brevity prevents paragraphing or sustained progression.
Organise the response into an introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph advancing one clear idea.
Lexical Resource
There is some less common vocabulary, but several collocations and expressions are inaccurate, including references to technology, culture, and personal opinion.
Choose natural, precise phrases such as technological development, influence of Western culture, and in my opinion, and check article and possessive use.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted and meaning remains clear, although agreement, article, possessive, and verb-pattern errors occur repeatedly in the short response.
Practise subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, and use forms such as help shape a child's future accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Is it better to rear children in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Which do you think has greater positive impact on the child’s future?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.