Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In recent years, scientists have found that a large number of people tend to overconsume fast food, which is detrimental to their well-being. Opinions are divided on whether education can mitigate the fast food consumption, or whether educational campaigns fail to achieve the desired outcomes. While I acknowledge the reasons behind the former view, I am still strongly in favor of the latter.
One reason some believe that educating people can curb fast food consumption is that awareness campaigns highlight the risks associated with eating such food, helping people make healthier choices. Through educational efforts, more people become aware of the adverse effects of fast food, such as its high fat and carbohydrate content and lack of essential nutrients like vitamins and fiber. Frequent consumption of popular items like fried chicken and pizza can lead to serious health problems, including obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. By raising awareness, educational campaigns can encourage people to reduce their fast food intake.
However, many question the effectiveness of education campaigns because they have not significantly reduced obesity rates linked to fast food consumption. For example, in the United States, where numerous campaigns promote healthy eating and warn against junk food, obesity rates remain high. In my view, awareness campaigns alone do not yield positive outcomes because they are overshadowed by hectic lifestyles and a lack of convenient, affordable alternatives to fast food. As people become busier, they seek quick, easy meals, and fast food fits perfectly into this lifestyle. Additionally, the rapid expansion of fast food chains makes such options widely accessible, while healthier alternatives often come at a higher cost, making them less affordable for the average consumer. As long as these factors persist, I believe educational efforts alone will not effectively reduce fast food consumption.
In conclusion, while educational campaigns play a role in raising awareness about the dangers of fast food, they are unlikely to achieve the desired results on their own. The fast-paced lifestyles and easy availability of fast food, along with the higher cost of healthier options, create significant barriers. Therefore, addressing these underlying issues is essential for any meaningful reduction in fast food consumption.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the arguments clearly Original: reasons behind the former view Suggested revision: arguments supporting the former view Why it matters: Arguments supporting identifies the content of the view more precisely than reasons behind.
- 2. Use parallel quantity terms Original: high fat and carbohydrate content Suggested revision: high levels of fat and carbohydrates Why it matters: Levels of creates a more natural and parallel description of the two nutrients.
- 3. Keep terminology consistent Original: education Suggested revision: educational Why it matters: Educational campaigns matches the term used consistently elsewhere in the response.
- 4. Use precise association wording Original: obesity rates linked to fast food consumption Suggested revision: rates of obesity associated with fast food consumption Why it matters: Associated with presents the relationship more cautiously and naturally.
- 5. Specify the outcome Original: do not yield positive outcomes Suggested revision: do not substantially reduce fast food consumption Why it matters: The revision names the precise outcome under discussion instead of using the vague phrase positive outcomes.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: they are overshadowed by hectic lifestyles Suggested revision: their effects are outweighed by hectic lifestyles Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the campaigns' effects, rather than the campaigns themselves, are being compared.
- 7. Match the general reference Original: this lifestyle Suggested revision: such lifestyles Why it matters: The plural reference links more clearly to the hectic lifestyles mentioned in the preceding sentence.
- 8. Remove repetition Original: come at a higher cost, making them less affordable Suggested revision: are often less affordable Why it matters: The shorter wording avoids repeating the same cost idea twice.
- 9. Fix article use Original: The fast-paced lifestyles and easy availability Suggested revision: Fast-paced lifestyles and the easy availability Why it matters: The general plural noun does not need the, while the specific availability of fast food does.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Opinions are divided on whether education can mitigate the fast food consumption, or whether educational campaigns fail to achieve the desired outcomes. Suggested revision: Opinions are divided over whether education can reduce fast food consumption or whether educational campaigns are ineffective. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the unnecessary article and expresses the alternatives in a concise parallel structure.
- 11. Strengthen evidence progression Suggested revision: Link the US example more explicitly to the later lifestyle, access, and cost explanations. Why it matters: A clearer bridge would help the paragraph move smoothly from observed outcomes to the factors explaining them.
Suggested Rewrites
- reasons behind the former view arguments supporting the former view
- high fat and carbohydrate content high levels of fat and carbohydrates
- education educational
- obesity rates linked to fast food consumption rates of obesity associated with fast food consumption
- do not yield positive outcomes do not substantially reduce fast food consumption
- they are overshadowed by hectic lifestyles their effects are outweighed by hectic lifestyles
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay answers every part directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops both perspectives through logically sequenced, specific reasoning. Its main limitation is minor repetition of key terms and a small number of awkward collocations, which slightly reduce precision in an otherwise fluent response. The best refinement is to vary recurring references to education and fast food while tightening the few less natural phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the opinion remains clear, and the supporting explanations are relevant and well developed.
Refine the comparison by stating even more explicitly why structural barriers make education insufficient on its own.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is purposeful and progression is highly logical, with cohesive links supporting rather than interrupting the argument.
Reduce minor repetition across the final body paragraph and conclusion to make the ending more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, with only isolated awkward phrasing and repetition.
Vary repeated references to fast food and educational campaigns and revise less natural phrases such as mitigate the fast food consumption.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the great majority of sentences are error-free.
Polish isolated article and phrasing choices while preserving the strong control of complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.