Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In recent times, many scientists believe that fast food consumption is central to various health problems that are difficult to cure. Therefore, a few individuals hold the opinion that education can easily solve this problem; however, others think that imposing law can help curb this issue. The essay below will outline and evaluate the two opposing views of the matter and then assert my own opinion.
To start with, it is essential to impart knowledge to people about the healthier options as they choose their diets. This is predominantly important because a large portion of the population needs to learn about the pros and cons of comfort food. Besides this, they must also be aware of the alternatives which do not harm their health. For example, the rapid pace of society is the reason for many to opt for cheaper meals in stores or choose takeaways as they are easier to grab. Thus, the impact of fast food on them is minimal since they can regulate their intake of unhealthy fats.
Nevertheless, companies should be limited in their production of fast cooking or the government must impose higher taxes on this type of food. The resorting of junk food will be coaxed to the healthier options, perhaps even being motivated to cook at home and shedding some pounds. Furthermore, this kind of food is harmful to their health as they will suffer from poor health issues like heart attack. This eventually leads them to stay indoors instead of engaging in various outdoor activities.
To conclude, many people prefer fast food as these are easy to get and served immediately which affects their health in the long-term. However, I believe that education is particularly important for the younger generation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify causal meaning Original: central to various health problems Suggested revision: a major cause of various health problems Why it matters: ‘Central to’ does not clearly express the claimed causal relationship.
- 2. Use correct collocation Original: imposing law Suggested revision: introducing legislation Why it matters: Governments introduce or enact legislation rather than ‘impose law’ in this context.
- 3. Remove spatial reference Original: The essay below Suggested revision: This essay Why it matters: ‘This essay’ is the conventional direct reference to the current text.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: about the healthier options Suggested revision: about healthier options Why it matters: No previously specified set of options exists, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Use natural time clause Original: as they choose their diets Suggested revision: when choosing their diets Why it matters: The reduced time clause expresses the intended situation more naturally.
- 6. Correct adverb choice Original: predominantly Suggested revision: particularly Why it matters: ‘Predominantly’ means mainly and does not naturally intensify ‘important’.
- 7. Use the task term Original: comfort Suggested revision: junk Why it matters: ‘Comfort food’ is not necessarily unhealthy and therefore changes the intended category.
- 8. Use defining relative Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: ‘That’ more clearly introduces this defining relative clause.
- 9. Use natural expression Original: rapid pace of society Suggested revision: fast pace of modern life Why it matters: The original phrase uses an unnatural collocation for a busy lifestyle.
- 10. Fix the verb pattern Original: is the reason for many to opt Suggested revision: leads many people to opt Why it matters: This causative verb pattern is grammatically direct and identifies the people clearly.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: choose Suggested revision: order Why it matters: People normally ‘order’ takeaway food rather than ‘choose takeaways’.
- 12. Clarify convenience Original: as they are easier to grab Suggested revision: because they are readily available Why it matters: The revision removes the informal collocation and clarifies why these foods are convenient.
Suggested Rewrites
- central to various health problems a major cause of various health problems
- imposing law introducing legislation
- The essay below This essay
- about the healthier options about healthier options
- as they choose their diets when choosing their diets
- predominantly particularly
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognisable four-paragraph structure and gives a clear final preference for education. However, the view that education will not work is replaced by a loosely explained argument for regulation, while several supporting sentences are illogical or difficult to interpret. The priority is to explain explicitly why education may fail, contrast that reasoning with a developed pro-education case, and use precise cause-and-effect examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses education and suggests regulatory alternatives, but the opposing view and the writer's position are only partly developed.
Explain directly why education might fail and support the final pro-education position with a specific, logically connected reason.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is clear, but progression within the body paragraphs is weakened by abrupt or illogical links between ideas.
Give each body paragraph one controlling claim and make every following sentence explain, exemplify, or conclude that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is some range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as “fast cooking” and “resorting of junk food” reduce clarity.
Choose common, precise expressions such as “junk-food production” and “consumers of junk food” instead of forcing less familiar wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, reference, and sentence construction sometimes obscure meaning.
Prioritise accurate clause construction and pronoun reference, then check each complex sentence for a clear subject and logical verb relationship.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.