Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
People work hard and earn money which ideally they would like to retain for themselves. However, a significant portion of this usually has to be given to the state. In my view, it is right that people pay their fair share of taxes.
Money is everything in today’s world. This is because money is used to buy all the necessities such as food, water, and shelter. Money is also used to help a family’s children in the form of school fees and other activities. In addition to this, people do not only need money to cater for their necessities, but also for future investments. The more that people have to invest, the more they believe they can accumulate in the long term. As a result, many are reluctant to lose some of their income through the deduction of tax.
Nevertheless, citizens should be obliged to pay taxes to the government for a number of reasons. They should accept that the taxes they pay help the government offer them the public services all over the country. These public services are things such as the construction of roads, bridges, public hospitals, parks and other public services. The same tax money helps the country’s economy to be stable. Through taxes, the government can also pay off its debts. In short, money received through taxes is a way of ensuring that people have comfortable livelihoods.
In conclusion, even though many people think that they should not pay taxes, that money is useful to the stability of any country. Therefore, people should not avoid paying taxes as it may affect the country’s economy and services that it provides.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Place the adverb naturally Original: money which ideally they would like Suggested revision: money that they would ideally like Why it matters: The revised word order places ideally next to the preference it modifies.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: portion of this Suggested revision: portion of their income Why it matters: Naming income directly removes any ambiguity in the pronoun reference.
- 3. Avoid overstatement Original: everything Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: Essential conveys the importance of money without making an unnecessarily absolute claim.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: all the necessities Suggested revision: basic necessities Why it matters: Basic necessities is a more precise phrase for food, water, and shelter.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: help a family’s children Suggested revision: support their children Why it matters: Support their children is more concise and maintains reference to people.
- 6. Place not only correctly Original: do not only need money Suggested revision: need money not only Why it matters: Moving not only creates the correct correlative structure with but also.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: cater for their necessities Suggested revision: meet their basic needs Why it matters: Meet basic needs is the standard collocation in this context.
- 8. Use concise terminology Original: through the deduction of tax Suggested revision: through taxation Why it matters: Taxation expresses the same idea more directly and formally.
- 9. Use the correct collocation Original: offer them the public services Suggested revision: provide public services Why it matters: Governments provide public services rather than offer people the public services.
- 10. Use formal phrasing Original: all over the country Suggested revision: across the country Why it matters: Across the country is a more concise academic expression for nationwide provision.
- 11. Remove vague wording Original: are things such as Suggested revision: include Why it matters: Include links the category directly to its examples without the vague noun things.
- 12. Use a concise verb Original: helps the country’s economy to be stable Suggested revision: helps stabilize the country’s economy Why it matters: The causative structure with stabilize is more concise and natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- money which ideally they would like money that they would ideally like
- portion of this portion of their income
- everything essential
- all the necessities basic necessities
- help a family’s children support their children
- do not only need money need money not only
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops it through a balanced explanation of personal financial concerns and the public value of taxation. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas remain fairly general and occasionally repetitive, especially in the discussion of public services and economic stability. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the central argument with a specific causal example showing how tax-funded provision benefits citizens.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question directly, sustains a clear disagreement, and supports it with relevant reasons, though some ideas are broadly stated.
Develop one key reason with a specific example that demonstrates the consequences of inadequate tax revenue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly despite some repetition of taxes and public services.
Use pronouns, substitution, and more concise topic sentences to reduce lexical repetition while preserving the clear progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and precise for the topic, with only occasional awkward or repetitive phrasing.
Refine collocations such as tax deductions, economic stability, and public provision to make the argument more natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally accurate punctuation and control, although a few clauses are awkwardly formed.
Check reference and clause structure in concluding sentences so that pronouns and subjects point unambiguously to the intended ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.