The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
At recent years, most of the people started to know the cultures of other countries. It is caused by many aspects such as the ongoing growing in international travel and the continuous improvement of variation of media. Inevitably, I believe that this phenomenon is a positive development for several considerations given below.
To begin with, people in all parts of the world will easily get familiar with other countries' way of life. They will gain acknowledgements relating to the variety of cultures, common beliefs, kinds of religions, even mindsets so they can obtain more wisdom thinking not to judge others by wrong or right. Moreover, they will understand the geographical conditions and typical rules and laws which are applied as in depth processes of learning other civilisations so they attain a complete condition of surroundings in other parts of the world.
To end with, the economy impacts are also undeniable. The flights industry will thrive, the tourism places will be favourable; the providers of a tour guide will be profitable because people are eager to know more about other cultures by staying close to the original places. As the result, local communities will achieve more income as direct effect and will be aware of social-economy purposes as well as the need for educational capacities (for example, learning foreign languages, mastering calculations of revenues, etc.) as indirectly long term impacts. As consequences, the governments together with city councils should pay more attentions to regulate and stay focus to this economy sector.
To sum up, the advantages of knowing how other people live in other countries are inevitable so stakeholders are supposed to take responsibilities to maximise the result both social and economy benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the time phrase Original: At recent years Suggested revision: In recent years Why it matters: The fixed time expression uses the preposition in.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: A general reference after most does not take of the.
- 3. Use present perfect Original: started to know the cultures Suggested revision: have begun to learn about the cultures Why it matters: The present perfect connects a recent change to the present, and learn about is the natural verb phrase.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: It is caused Suggested revision: This trend is caused Why it matters: Naming the trend removes the vague pronoun reference at the start of the sentence.
- 5. Use precise causal noun Original: many aspects Suggested revision: several factors Why it matters: Factors, rather than aspects, are causes of a development.
- 6. Use noun form growth Original: the ongoing growing in international travel Suggested revision: the ongoing growth in international travel Why it matters: The noun growth is required after the article and adjective.
- 7. Clarify media development Original: the continuous improvement of variation of media Suggested revision: the continuing diversification of media Why it matters: The original chain of nouns is unnatural, while diversification conveys increasing media variety.
- 8. Use natural preview phrase Original: for several considerations given below Suggested revision: for the reasons given below Why it matters: Reasons, not considerations, are presented to support the stated belief.
- 9. Match plural countries Original: other countries' way of life Suggested revision: the ways of life in other countries Why it matters: Multiple countries may have different ways of life, so the noun phrase should be plural.
- 10. Correct knowledge collocation Original: gain acknowledgements Suggested revision: gain knowledge Why it matters: Acknowledgements are expressions of recognition, whereas knowledge is information acquired.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: obtain more wisdom thinking Suggested revision: develop wiser perspectives Why it matters: The original phrase is not a grammatical English collocation.
- 12. Repair judgment phrase Original: not to judge others by wrong or right Suggested revision: and avoid judging others as simply right or wrong Why it matters: The replacement forms a grammatical coordinated result while retaining the intended tolerance.
Suggested Rewrites
- At recent years In recent years
- most of the people most people
- started to know the cultures have begun to learn about the cultures
- It is caused This trend is caused
- many aspects several factors
- the ongoing growing in international travel the ongoing growth in international travel
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is strongest in identifying cultural understanding and local economic growth as benefits of easier travel and global media, with some explanation of how communities may gain. Its main limitation is that it never identifies or analyses any disadvantage, so the claim that benefits outweigh drawbacks is unsupported; persistent awkward grammar and word choice also obscure several points. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a credible drawback and compare its scale directly with the cultural and economic benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant cultural and economic advantages are developed, but no disadvantage is discussed, leaving the required outweigh judgement incomplete.
Add a developed disadvantage such as cultural stereotyping, overtourism, or media distortion and explicitly explain why the benefits remain greater.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear paragraph structure and broad progression from cultural to economic benefits, though some transitions are mechanical and internal logic is occasionally difficult to follow.
Use a distinct paragraph for the missing disadvantage and a final comparison paragraph that clearly weighs both sides.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a range of vocabulary about culture, tourism, and economics, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as “gain knowledge,” “tourism industry,” “local income,” “socio-economic benefits,” and “long-term effects.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, plurals, agreement, word forms, and clause construction weaken clarity.
Build shorter controlled sentences and check noun forms and agreement before combining multiple economic effects in one sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.