It is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions could be taken to solve the problem?
Sample Response
Nowadays, residents in urban areas find it challenging to participate in physical activities. This essay will initially explain why this is happening, followed by some strategies to tackle this issue.
There are primarily two factors behind why people do not do sufficient physical exercise. To begin with, they are busy with their work commitments. To make more money and gain promotion, employees always work extra hours, feeling exhausted and lacking the energy to exercise. Even on weekends and holidays, they prefer something that helps them unwind. Additionally, free sports equipment in the neighbourhood cannot satisfy residents’ demands. The land in cities is mainly occupied by commercial buildings and residential blocks, leaving limited space for sports facilities to which many people can have no access. Also, they are reluctant to pay for a membership to a gym and thus, cannot have enough exercise.
To resolve this problem, several approaches can be adopted. The first one is that employers ought to provide their employees with a better work-life balance. In other words, if individuals do not work long hours, they are more likely to spare some time to do sports on a regular basis, instead of focusing merely on their work tasks, which is beneficial to both their physical and psychological health. Another important point to consider is that the government should allocate a proportion of the budget to the construction of sports facilities in the local community. This will considerably encourage more residents to be willing to take part in some sports activities as it makes it free for them to exercise as well as more convenient.
In conclusion, being occupied by work and a lack of exercise equipment are the two major reasons why city dwellers are unable to do enough physical activities. However, if people can enjoy a balance between work and life, and sufficient exercise facilities can be made available near where they live, this issue can be coped with in an effective fashion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: factors behind why Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural way to introduce causes.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: do sufficient physical exercise Suggested revision: get enough physical exercise Why it matters: English more naturally uses “get enough exercise” in this context.
- 3. Add article Original: gain promotion Suggested revision: gain a promotion Why it matters: The singular countable noun “promotion” needs an article here.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: something Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: “Activities” identifies more clearly what workers choose during their free time.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: satisfy residents’ demands Suggested revision: meet residents’ needs Why it matters: Facilities and equipment more naturally “meet needs” than “satisfy demands.”
- 6. Fix relative clause Original: to which many people can have no access Suggested revision: that many people cannot access Why it matters: The revised clause expresses the lack of access directly and grammatically.
- 7. Use natural phrase Original: a membership to a gym Suggested revision: a gym membership Why it matters: “Gym membership” is the standard noun phrase.
- 8. Remove misplaced comma Original: thus, Suggested revision: thus Why it matters: A comma should not separate “thus” from the coordinated verb phrase here.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: have Suggested revision: get Why it matters: “Get enough exercise” is the natural expression for achieving sufficient activity.
- 10. Use concise signposting Original: The first one is that Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: A direct transition introduces the first solution more efficiently.
- 11. Improve adverb choice Original: considerably Suggested revision: greatly Why it matters: “Greatly” collocates more naturally with “encourage.”
- 12. Fix unclear reference Original: as it makes it free for them to exercise as well as more convenient Suggested revision: because the facilities make exercise free and convenient Why it matters: The revision clarifies both pronoun references and makes the complements parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- factors behind why reasons why
- do sufficient physical exercise get enough physical exercise
- gain promotion gain a promotion
- something activities
- satisfy residents’ demands meet residents’ needs
- to which many people can have no access that many people cannot access
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear, balanced coverage of two causes and two corresponding solutions, with ideas developed through relevant explanation. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in phrasing and somewhat general support, especially around access to facilities. The highest-priority improvement is to use more exact cause-and-effect language and add a specific example or fuller explanation for each principal point.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both parts directly, presents relevant causes and solutions, and develops each main idea clearly.
Support the principal causes and solutions with more specific examples or consequences to deepen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, paired cause and solution paragraphs, and an effective conclusion.
Make links between individual causes and their corresponding solutions more explicit and avoid occasional overlong sentences.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently broad vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, though several collocations and expressions are imprecise or awkward.
Choose more natural combinations such as access to sports facilities and reduce inflated phrases such as in an effective fashion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally strong control and only occasional non-impeding awkwardness.
Refine relative clauses and sentence attachments so that complex ideas remain precise and easy to follow.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions could be taken to solve the problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.