In many countries today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that because of advancements in science and technology, we have a greying society today. These demographic changes have brought up the topic that there is less respect for the elderly who are now in great numbers. In this essay I intend to delve into the causes and effects of this trend.
There are many reasons for lack of respect to the aged. In the workforce, creative and energetic young people who are able to work under a lot of pressure are preferred. In the techno-savvy world of today, the elderly feel out of place. They are not earning and so the youth hold the reins of the economy. Secondly, the old have problems adapting to ever-changing lifestyles and lag behind the times and so receive insufficient respect. The elderly are like a frog in the well and want their young ones to follow their professions. The youth, however, want to walk on the un-trodden path and find new avenues for themselves. Furthermore, the elderly suffer health problems such as hypertension, diabetes and arthritis, which make them physically weak and so they lack respect.
Another big reason for the elderly receiving less respect is the fact that they find it very difficult to let go. The young belong to the global culture and their elderly constantly nag and criticize them for their ways. This is not taken in the good light by the youngsters and they start ignoring them. The young also belong to a 24/7 society where competition is very stiff and as a result find it irritating and frustrating to find time to care and respect their elderly.
Less respect to the elderly has already caused many problems in these countries. The most noticeable is that people are indifferent to each other, and individuals tend to feel agitated, worrying about their own old life in the future. As a result, the whole society is not as harmonious and vigorous as the ones where senior citizens are treated with courtesy and respect. This situation has also led to a mushroom growth of old-age homes in the cities.
To sum up, it is our duty to respect the old people and the youth should not forget that they will too age one day. But, the elderly should also learn to keep-up with the times and be flexible with their youth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid absolute phrasing Original: It is irrefutable that Suggested revision: It is widely observed that Why it matters: The original opening makes an unnecessarily absolute claim about a debatable social trend.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: brought up the topic that Suggested revision: raised the concern that Why it matters: This collocation does not naturally introduce a social concern in formal writing.
- 3. Clarify demographic change Original: who are now in great numbers Suggested revision: whose numbers are now growing Why it matters: The replacement expresses the increase in the elderly population more precisely.
- 4. Add definite article Original: reasons for lack of respect Suggested revision: reasons for the lack of respect Why it matters: The specific lack of respect discussed here requires the definite article.
- 5. Use precise register Original: In the techno-savvy world of today Suggested revision: In today's technology-driven world Why it matters: Technology-driven describes the wider social context more precisely than techno-savvy.
- 6. Avoid overgeneralisation Original: They are not earning Suggested revision: Many are no longer earning Why it matters: The revision avoids implying that every elderly person has no income.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: the youth hold the reins Suggested revision: younger people hold the reins Why it matters: Younger people is a more natural collective reference in this context.
- 8. Clarify the metaphor Original: like a frog in the well Suggested revision: isolated from wider changes Why it matters: The original culture-specific metaphor may be unclear to an international reader.
- 9. Use natural reference Original: their young ones Suggested revision: younger family members Why it matters: Young ones sounds unnatural when referring to adult relatives.
- 10. Clarify the relationship Original: physically weak and so they lack respect Suggested revision: physically weak, which can cause others to treat them with less respect Why it matters: People receive rather than lack respect, so the original wording obscures the intended cause and effect.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: big Suggested revision: major Why it matters: Major is more appropriate than big in a formal explanation.
- 12. Specify the meaning Original: difficult to let go Suggested revision: difficult to accept change Why it matters: Let go is vague because it does not identify what the elderly resist.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is irrefutable that It is widely observed that
- brought up the topic that raised the concern that
- who are now in great numbers whose numbers are now growing
- reasons for lack of respect reasons for the lack of respect
- In the techno-savvy world of today In today's technology-driven world
- They are not earning Many are no longer earning
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a broad, clearly organised range of causes and maintains a relevant focus throughout. Its main limitation is that the social consequences receive much less development than the causes, while several claims are asserted through loose generalisations. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two or three consequences with specific causal explanation and realistic illustration, while replacing awkward expressions with more natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions and offers numerous relevant causes, but its discussion of resulting social problems is comparatively brief and general.
Develop each major consequence through a clear causal chain and a concrete example instead of adding further undeveloped causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-defined paragraphs, although some within-paragraph links are repetitive and a few claims follow one another rather loosely.
Use fewer mechanical sequencing expressions and make the logical relationship between each cause and its explanation more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and often effective, but several collocations and idiomatic choices sound awkward or imprecise.
Prioritise natural combinations such as respect for the elderly and viewed unfavourably, and avoid forced idioms where direct wording is clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally controlled, with errors remaining noticeable but rarely affecting clarity.
Improve accuracy in prepositions, article use, and clause construction while retaining the current variety of sentence forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.