In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society?
Sample Response
Respect shown to senior citizens is often considered by many as an important indicator of a civilised society and yet this is on the decline in many countries. In my opinion, lack of proper teaching at home and a paradigm shift towards a materialistic life are the reason for this trend. This trend can bring some negative consequences in our society which would be outlined in this essay. In regard to the declining respects for elderly people, the family bonding and parents teaching methods at home are to be blamed. The family value and bond are no longer important to the young generation these days. They are not entirely responsible for this social debasement as parents nowadays are too busy to teach their children morality. On top of that, young generation in this era is more occupied with materialistic possessions than reading history and learning about their traditions and cultures. As a result, they fail to understand how important it is to show respect to other members of the society, especially senior citizens. To illustrate an example, one of my classmates, Tony, was raised in a nuclear family and without his father. When he visited our house, he had no idea that my grandparents could live in our family. Certainly, he would not know how to spend time with people over 60 years old! Among the negative consequences of this trend, the most severe one is the moral degradation of youth. Since they find it unnecessary to show proper respect to elder people, they will soon forget to respect other human beings. Moreover, they will fail to teach their next generation anything about mutual respect and family value, they will suffer even more when they become old. Finally, as a whole, the society would have selfish members who would not be able to maintain a social harmony. To conclude, the society we live in is the contribution os the senior citizens and that is why the young generation should show their respect and gratitude to them. The lack of respect towards the elderly is a great concern and to mitigate this problem, parents should teach their children morality and importance or family bonds.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix considered pattern Original: considered by many as Suggested revision: considered by many to be Why it matters: Considered takes a to-infinitive in this passive structure.
- 2. Use plural reasons Original: reason Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: The plural subject names two causes and therefore requires reasons.
- 3. Use consequences for society Original: consequences in our society Suggested revision: consequences for society Why it matters: Consequences for is the natural collocation when describing effects on society.
- 4. Use direct future tense Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: Will directly signals what the essay is about to do.
- 5. Use concise topic marker Original: In regard to Suggested revision: Regarding Why it matters: Regarding introduces the topic more concisely.
- 6. Use uncountable respect Original: respects Suggested revision: respect Why it matters: Respect is uncountable in this general sense.
- 7. Use family bonds Original: the family bonding Suggested revision: family bonds Why it matters: Family bonds is the natural noun phrase for relationships among relatives.
- 8. Add possessive apostrophe Original: parents teaching methods Suggested revision: parents' teaching methods Why it matters: The methods belong to multiple parents, requiring a plural possessive.
- 9. Use to blame Original: are to be blamed Suggested revision: are to blame Why it matters: The fixed expression is be to blame, not be to be blamed.
- 10. Use plural family values Original: The family value and bond are Suggested revision: Family values and bonds are Why it matters: Both general concepts require plural forms and no article.
- 11. Add article and refine Original: young generation in this era Suggested revision: the younger generation today Why it matters: Generation requires an article, and younger generation is the natural comparative label.
- 12. Make comparison parallel Original: more occupied with materialistic possessions than reading history Suggested revision: more focused on material possessions than on reading history Why it matters: The revision creates parallel prepositional phrases and removes an awkward collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- considered by many as considered by many to be
- reason reasons
- consequences in our society consequences for society
- would will
- In regard to Regarding
- respects respect
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay answers both questions and presents a coherent chain from weak family teaching and materialism to declining respect, moral deterioration, and reduced social harmony. Its strongest feature is the clear cause-and-effect direction, but the personal example is not convincingly connected to disrespect and several consequences remain broad assertions. Prioritise explaining one concrete societal problem in depth and replacing the weak anecdote with direct evidence of disrespect toward older people.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The causes and societal problems are both addressed with a clear line of argument, though the anecdote and some consequences receive limited convincing development.
Develop one specific social consequence, such as elder isolation or reduced intergenerational support, and illustrate it with directly relevant evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-and-effect sequence is easy to recognise and linking is generally clear, but the single-block presentation and one comma-spliced consequence sentence weaken flow.
Divide the response into introduction, causes, problems, and conclusion, and give each consequence its own complete sentence.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, including 'materialistic', 'social debasement', and 'moral degradation', but frequent word-choice and word-form errors reduce accuracy.
Use natural forms such as 'declining respect', 'older people', 'family values', and 'social harmony', and proofread common prepositions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains mostly clear, although agreement, articles, possessives, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Correct noun agreement and split run-ons, especially the sentence joining failure to teach the next generation with suffering in old age.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.