People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?
Sample Response
In recent years, there have been a number of problems that people in big cities have to cope with every day. My essay will discuss two major problems which are pollution and information overload, and personally I think those people should be encouraged to move to regional areas.
Increased levels of pollution have been a great reason for concern among residents of big cities. Owing to a high volume of everyday traffic, massive quantities of pollutants such as CO2 are constantly released into the atmosphere, causing the degradation of air quality. This is closely associated with various types of respiratory diseases or even lung cancer. Also, people in big cities are being bombarded with too much information from the media, including TV, social networking sites and advertisements while the large propotion of information is fake news or exaggerated commercials. This can cause confusion or, in some cases, social anarchy.
In my opinion, the Government should do what they can to encourage city dwellers to move to regional areas. First, it will reduce the number of vehicles in cities, which will definitely improve the situation where air pollution caused by traffic disturbs the lives of city residents. Furthermore, fewer people living in big cities will relieve the pressure on these cities’ housing supply systems when many people are living reluctantly in small, suffocating spaces. I think this is extremely important point to consider because living spaces are linked to people’s mental health and how they perform at work.
In conclusion, severe air pollution and information bombardment are among the most serious problems facing city dwellers nowadays, and I feel that relevant authorities should encourage people to relocate to other areas to live.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct apposition Original: problems which are pollution and information overload Suggested revision: problems: pollution and information overload Why it matters: A colon introduces the two named problems more directly than the relative clause.
- 2. Separate the position Original: , and personally I think Suggested revision: ; personally, I think Why it matters: A semicolon and introductory comma clarify the relationship between the two independent clauses.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: those people should be encouraged to move to regional areas Suggested revision: city residents should be encouraged to move to regional towns Why it matters: Those people has an unclear reference, while the revision names the intended group precisely.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: a great reason for concern Suggested revision: a major cause for concern Why it matters: Cause for concern is the standard collocation in this context.
- 5. Choose precise adjective Original: everyday Suggested revision: daily Why it matters: Daily describes traffic occurring each day more precisely than everyday.
- 6. Use measured wording Original: massive Suggested revision: large Why it matters: Large quantities is a more neutral academic expression here.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: the degradation of air quality Suggested revision: a decline in air quality Why it matters: A decline in air quality is the more natural collocation for worsening pollution.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: various types of respiratory diseases Suggested revision: various respiratory diseases Why it matters: Various already conveys that more than one type is involved.
- 9. Mark the contrast Original: advertisements while Suggested revision: advertisements, while Why it matters: A comma is needed before while because it introduces a contrasting independent clause.
- 10. Correct spelling Original: propotion Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: Proportion is the correct spelling.
- 11. Fix category mismatch Original: information is fake news or exaggerated commercials Suggested revision: content consists of fake news or exaggerated commercials Why it matters: Information cannot itself be commercials, so content is the accurate category noun.
- 12. Use precise term Original: anarchy Suggested revision: disorder Why it matters: Social disorder expresses the stated consequence more naturally and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- problems which are pollution and information overload problems: pollution and information overload
- , and personally I think ; personally, I think
- those people should be encouraged to move to regional areas city residents should be encouraged to move to regional towns
- a great reason for concern a major cause for concern
- everyday daily
- massive large
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response has a clear position and a logical structure, with effective explanation of how urban pollution and housing pressure affect residents. Its main limitation is uneven idea development: information overload is less convincingly connected to everyday city life, while relocation is presented without considering implementation. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each problem and proposed policy with more precise, balanced reasoning and concrete consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear opinion, and the main ideas are relevant and generally developed.
Explain why relocation is practical and address a likely consequence for regional towns to deepen the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs and maintains clear overall progression.
Use more precise links within the body paragraphs so that causes, consequences, and policy effects connect more naturally.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately specific, especially when describing pollution, housing, and health.
Replace awkward or imprecise combinations such as housing supply systems and living reluctantly with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences is used with generally reliable control and clear meaning.
Proofread for recurring local errors in articles, agreement, and word forms, including an extremely important point and proportion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.