Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
With the tremendous influence of modernisation, remarkable changes have taken place in the family structure to such an extent that nowadays, youngsters are motivated by their parents to live alone as they grow up. However, some people are of the view that it is more practical for a youngster to live with their family.
On the one hand, there are many positive aspects to youths living away from their parents at young age. This provides the opportunity to young people to live a life on their own terms and make any decisions without the interference of their parents. Besides, living alone not only makes them independent but also makes them self-reliant, which is a crucial life skill to their successful career. For instance, managing all the house chores such as cleaning, paying bills, cooking and so on will make them well experienced at learning and managing diverse activities and will also boost their confidence.
On the other hand, there is no denying the fact that youngsters living away from their family may find themselves in circumstances that may adversely affect their life. Naïve and inexperienced young people in the absence of parental supervision are more likely to fall prey to bad influence and dangerous activities, such as drugs or alcohol consumption, which may jeopardise their career or lead them astray from moral values. However, this situation is less likely to take place with youngsters still living with their parents. Besides, emotional bonding and family relationships can be maintained better if everyone is living together under one roof.
In my opinion, although encouraging youngsters to live alone may lead them to learn various life skills, negative aspects and risks associated with living alone can far outweigh the benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. More natural collocation Original: influence Suggested revision: impact Why it matters: The noun “impact” combines more naturally with the large social changes described here.
- 2. Use precise verb Original: motivated Suggested revision: encouraged Why it matters: “Encouraged” directly expresses the parents’ active advice to their children.
- 3. Add article Original: at young age Suggested revision: at a young age Why it matters: The singular countable phrase “young age” requires the article “a.”
- 4. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Use “opportunity for” before the person who receives the opportunity.
- 5. Clarify independence Original: make any decisions Suggested revision: make their own decisions Why it matters: “Their own decisions” expresses personal autonomy more precisely than “any decisions.”
- 6. Correct preposition Original: crucial life skill to their successful career Suggested revision: crucial life skill for a successful career Why it matters: The adjective phrase needs “for” to link the skill with its benefit to a career.
- 7. Use standard collocation Original: house Suggested revision: household Why it matters: “Household chores” is the standard expression for routine domestic tasks.
- 8. Fix awkward phrasing Original: well experienced at learning and managing diverse activities Suggested revision: experienced in managing diverse tasks Why it matters: This revision removes the illogical idea of becoming experienced at learning and uses the correct preposition.
- 9. Use countable noun Original: fall prey to bad influence Suggested revision: fall prey to negative influences Why it matters: Multiple harmful people or pressures are more naturally described as “negative influences.”
- 10. Match category and examples Original: dangerous activities, such as drugs or alcohol consumption Suggested revision: harmful behaviours, such as drug or alcohol consumption Why it matters: Drug and alcohol consumption are behaviours rather than activities, so the revised category fits the examples.
- 11. Use natural noun Original: bonding Suggested revision: bonds Why it matters: “Emotional bonds” refers more naturally to the relationships maintained among family members.
- 12. Improve adverb placement Original: maintained better Suggested revision: better maintained Why it matters: Placing “better” before the past participle produces the more natural passive construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- influence impact
- motivated encouraged
- at young age at a young age
- to for
- make any decisions make their own decisions
- crucial life skill to their successful career crucial life skill for a successful career
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly addresses both views, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its arguments through relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is occasional awkward phrasing and imprecise collocation, despite otherwise strong control and clear progression. The highest-priority improvement is to refine word combinations and preposition choices so that the sophisticated ideas are expressed more naturally and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are clearly discussed, the position is consistent, and the main ideas are well supported with relevant consequences and examples.
Develop the case for staying with family with one more specific explanation or example to make the discussion fully balanced in depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without obscuring relationships between ideas.
Vary transitions slightly and make the contrast within the second body paragraph more explicit for even smoother progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas effectively, although several collocations and preposition choices sound unnatural.
Refine combinations such as expressions for age, opportunity, influence, and career success to achieve more consistently natural word choice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, while a few article, preposition, and agreement errors remain non-impeding.
Proofread complex sentences specifically for articles, prepositions, and pronoun agreement to improve consistency of accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.