In some countries, 18 is the legal age to vote, to drive and to marry, while it’s higher in some others. Do you think it’s the right age?
Sample Response
In recent years, the age of an adolescent from which they can perform legal activities, such as voting, getting married, etc., has become a hot topic for debate across the globe. Certain countries have finalized 18; however, it is more significant in a few. To my way of thinking, 18 is not the correct age to do such activities, and it should be kept at least as 21 which is explained in the below composition.
It cannot be denied that the world is growing and grooming rapidly nowadays. As a result, it takes no time for a toddler to become a teenager. Though they know all the details of smart gadgets and utilize them well, they cannot just choose companions or cast their vote at a naive age. Additionally, their minds are just coming to know several new things in life because of obvious hormonal changes. Many times they just cast their votes or get married to enjoy a small-time pleasure which is absolutely preposterous. In India, for example, many political parties bribe college students to take part in their promotional activities. Such half-baked minds cannot think logically because they see monetary or other advantages that make their lives easier. Thus, in my view, they do not even know about their future at 18, and how can they think about the well-being of society? It is an injustice to them. Needless to say that choosing a companion should be completely banned because they should focus on their career rather than wasting their important years roaming around with partners.
Another thing is to permit them to drive vehicles which, from my perspective, should be completely banned till the age of 21. There are various reasons behind this thought. Firstly, millennials are thrilled to drive either a bike or a car when they turn 16 or 17. In every nook and corner of the world, it is observed that if they are allowed to drive at such an early age, they end up having an accident because of over-speeding or lack of proper training. On top of this, sometimes, these incidents could conceivably make them handicapped or even take their valuable lives. Obviously, if they stay away from their university, the government should think of other ways to build adequate transportation, build a portal for the carpool facility, etc. In this way, authorities could protect the youth, but they could actually decrease pollution and traffic. Hence, nations should not allow millennials to try their hands on vehicles unless they are 21 as well as trained sufficiently. On top of that, they can keep an assessment to issue the driving license, which practised successfully in India for the past decade.
To conclude, though we should give freedom of thought to every individual and it comes under the fundamental rights, I strongly reckon that 21 is the age when they could start such legal procedures. In this way, we give them a chance to enjoy their teenage, preventing them from innumerous bad experiences.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the relative structure Original: age of an adolescent from which they can Suggested revision: age at which an adolescent can Why it matters: At which correctly links a legal age to the actions permitted from that point.
- 2. Use a natural collocation Original: perform legal activities Suggested revision: engage in legal activities Why it matters: Engage in is the more natural verb for taking part in legally regulated activities.
- 3. State the comparison clearly Original: it is more significant in a few Suggested revision: it is higher in some others Why it matters: Significant does not express the intended comparison between legal ages.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: To my way of thinking Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: The replacement states the opinion directly and naturally.
- 5. Correct the age phrase Original: kept at least as 21 Suggested revision: set at no younger than 21 Why it matters: The original comparative structure is ungrammatical for specifying a minimum legal age.
- 6. Correct the word choice Original: world is growing and grooming rapidly Suggested revision: world is changing rapidly Why it matters: Grooming cannot describe the world's general development in this context.
- 7. Describe age naturally Original: naive Suggested revision: young Why it matters: Naive describes a person or outlook rather than an age.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: their minds are just coming to know Suggested revision: they are only beginning to understand Why it matters: The revised wording expresses developing understanding idiomatically.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: a small-time pleasure Suggested revision: short-term pleasure Why it matters: Short-term describes temporary pleasure, whereas small-time usually describes something unimportant or unsuccessful.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: half-baked minds Suggested revision: immature young people Why it matters: The replacement conveys the intended lack of maturity without an imprecise informal metaphor.
- 11. Correct the introductory phrase Original: Needless to say that Suggested revision: Needless to say, Why it matters: Needless to say is followed by a comma rather than by that in this construction.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: career Suggested revision: careers Why it matters: The plural possessive subject they normally refers to the individuals' separate careers.
Suggested Rewrites
- age of an adolescent from which they can age at which an adolescent can
- perform legal activities engage in legal activities
- it is more significant in a few it is higher in some others
- To my way of thinking In my view
- kept at least as 21 set at no younger than 21
- world is growing and grooming rapidly world is changing rapidly
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a firm position and covers voting, marriage, and driving with substantial explanation and an example. Its main limitation is that several claims become sweeping or loosely reasoned, and frequent awkward word choices and grammatical slips weaken precision despite generally clear meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the case around distinct, balanced reasons for each legal activity and express those reasons with more accurate, neutral language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and all three legal activities are discussed, but some support is overgeneralised, extreme, or only loosely connected to the claim.
Give each activity a distinct, balanced reason and support it with evidence that directly explains why age twenty-one is preferable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure and usable progression, although long body paragraphs and repetitive linking sometimes obscure relationships.
Divide the body into more focused units and remove mechanical connectors where the sequence of ideas already makes the link clear.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss the topic in detail, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Use neutral, exact terms for maturity, legal rights, road safety, and licensing instead of exaggerated or loosely fitting expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, clause construction, and verb forms limit control.
Proofread complex sentences for complete verb phrases, accurate subject-verb agreement, and clear relative-clause attachment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, 18 is the legal age to vote, to drive and to marry, while it’s higher in some others. Do you think it’s the right age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.