Some people believe that the problem of illegal drugs can be solved by legalising all drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
Sample Response
Illegal drugs have become a worldwide problem in modern day society. The trading of drugs is widespread in nearly all countries and the number of people consuming drugs worldwide is high. It has been suggested simply to legalise all recreational drugs to solve the problems associated with them. I personally agree partially with this proposal, because I can see many advantages, yet also many disadvantages.
One positive aspect of legalising these drugs would be that the number of criminal activities committed to obtain them would decrease. Fewer people would therefore be imprisoned and have a criminal history that prevents them from progressing in life. Additionally, essential police resources would be freed up and devoted to other areas. Finally, high taxes could be imposed on the legal product, allowing governments to have better resources to improve the infrastructure of their countries.
Although legalising all illegal drugs could result in several positive effects, there are many negative effects that could be possible. As a result of the legalisation, I personally believe that it would become acceptable to use drugs and people would no longer pay attention to the damage that drugs cause. Schools might no longer educate teenagers and adolescents about the negative effects drugs have on people, resulting in more teenagers experimenting with them, as they would believe that this is a normal aspect of life. This would result in a higher number of drug addicts and potentially in more deaths, because it would be easier to obtain a large amount of illegal drugs and therefore the chances of overdosing would also increase.
In conclusion, I partially agree with the proposed action. Nonetheless, I think that an age restriction should be placed on drug use, as teenagers and adolescents could easily become addicted if all illegal drugs are legalised. This group of people is highly at risk of becoming addicted and potentially dying as a result of drug use and therefore should only be allowed to consume drugs after reaching a certain age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise term Original: The trading of drugs Suggested revision: The drug trade Why it matters: Drug trade is the standard concise expression for the commercial exchange of illegal drugs.
- 2. Improve adverb placement Original: suggested simply to legalise Suggested revision: suggested that simply legalising Why it matters: The revised structure gives suggested a clear clause and places simply next to the action it modifies.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: I personally agree partially Suggested revision: I partially agree Why it matters: Personally repeats the first-person stance already expressed by I agree.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: criminal activities committed to obtain them Suggested revision: crimes committed to obtain them Why it matters: Crimes conveys criminal activities more directly without changing the claim.
- 5. Clarify plural reference Original: the legal product Suggested revision: the legalised products Why it matters: The plural phrase clearly refers back to the multiple drugs under discussion.
- 6. Fix quantity wording Original: better Suggested revision: more Why it matters: More, rather than better, expresses an increase in the amount of available resources.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: negative effects that could be possible Suggested revision: possible negative effects Why it matters: Could be and possible duplicate the same meaning.
- 8. Avoid repetition Original: educate teenagers and adolescents Suggested revision: educate young people Why it matters: Teenagers and adolescents overlap in meaning, so one inclusive term is clearer.
- 9. Use person-first wording Original: a higher number of drug addicts Suggested revision: more people with drug addictions Why it matters: The revision is more concise and refers to people without defining them by the condition.
- 10. Fix collocation Original: highly at risk Suggested revision: at high risk Why it matters: At high risk is the standard collocation.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The trading of drugs is widespread in nearly all countries and the number of people consuming drugs worldwide is high. Suggested revision: The drug trade is widespread across countries, and drug consumption is high worldwide. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the repeated use of drugs and expresses both claims more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- The trading of drugs The drug trade
- suggested simply to legalise suggested that simply legalising
- I personally agree partially I partially agree
- criminal activities committed to obtain them crimes committed to obtain them
- the legal product the legalised products
- better more
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear qualified position and logically ordered consideration of legalisation's potential social and economic consequences. Its main limitation is that the age-restriction proposal appears only in the conclusion and is therefore not properly developed, while some phrasing is repetitive; the highest-priority improvement is to introduce this qualification earlier and connect every main point more directly to whether legalisation would solve the stated problem.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the question with a clear partial-agreement position and develops relevant benefits and risks.
Explain the proposed age restriction in the body and show more explicitly how it supports the qualified position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion, with clear paragraph focus.
Create a firmer link between the final policy recommendation and the preceding discussion rather than introducing it at the end.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but repetition and several awkward combinations reduce precision.
Vary repeated references to drugs and effects, and replace phrases such as better resources and highly at risk with more precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures with generally strong control and only occasional awkwardness.
Edit redundant or cumbersome constructions, particularly sentences containing multiple result and cause clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the problem of illegal drugs can be solved by legalising all drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.