There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Sample Response
It is true that the reasons people shopmotive of people who do shopping has changed these days. Though I agree with the opinion that they do not appreciate the value of moneydo not value the worth of money, not all individuals are alike. In this essay, I will support my positionstand by showing that only till a certain age people are not able to understand the value of money.
There are at least a few peopleat least few people who are shopping only for necessitiesreally shopping for needs. For instance, almost all of the adults with familiesfamily men and women analyse their requirements, income they earn and put a monthly budget. In this case, since they have to run their families and meet the needs of everyonetake care of their wants of everyone in the family like parents and children, they should definitely adhere to their budget and supportrun the family. Be it a shopping from clothes or groceries or any other commodity arises only out of the dire need for it.
On the other handside, I also accept that the number of citizens who havethat number of citizens who has taken up shopping as a hobby has increased in the recent past. Poor parentingThe poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon. It is quite natural that the middle-class parents pamper their children and buy things beyond their meansget things done beyond their limit. As a result, the children do not have an opportunity to consideranalyse the cost. Consequently, when these children grow up in societythis child grows up in the society, the attitude to shoppingshopping mentality remains the same. Bothering less about the need and the priceprize of the product, they shopthey do shopping.
It should also be noted that shopping as a leisure activity remains only up to a certain ageonly till a certain age limit. This new form of hobby has cropped up only among youngsters. This is proved by the recent survey on the shopping habits of men and women. Till the individuals strive hard to earn each penny, they will never ever realise the worth of it. Once they start earning, they could analyse the need and cost of the product they buy.
After analysing the development it is not hard to see that shopping habits have changed in the recent decades and it is also sure that every individual will not get attracted to materialistic life after a certain age since they get matured enough to consider the necessity and cost of the products more than anything.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear, qualified position and develops a logical age-based explanation through relevant examples of budgeting, parenting and earning. Its main limitation is imprecise language and frequent grammatical lapses, which make several sentences awkward despite generally clear meaning; some generalisations also need firmer support. The highest priority is to express each claim in more natural, accurate sentence structures while keeping the argument consistently tied to the extent of agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the extent question with a clear qualified view and develops relevant explanations, although some age-based claims are overgeneralised or weakly substantiated.
Qualify the broad claims about young people and maturity, and explain more directly how each example supports the stated degree of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in clear paragraphs with an overall logical progression, though a few transitions and references are mechanical or imprecise.
Use topic sentences that explicitly connect each paragraph to the qualified thesis and remove transitions that do not accurately express the relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss budgeting, parenting and materialism, but recurrent collocation and word-choice errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace awkward phrases such as put a monthly budget and do shopping with established collocations, and proofread for confusions such as price and prize.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, plurality and sentence construction remain noticeable.
Check noun phrases and subject-verb agreement systematically, especially after quantifiers and in sentences containing several dependent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.