By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
I strongly support the death penalty for murderers. In today's society, life is very violent. There are many mentally-ill people committing crimes and almost nothing will stop them. We have interviewed captured criminals who say, "I was going to kill him, but I knew that I could get the death penalty if I did. So I just left him there." Obviously, having the death penalty saves lives and that makes a positive difference to society.
If a criminal does murder someone, and then gets the death penalty, that isn't society's fault. Everyone knows about the death penalty as a punishment for murder. So, the person who murders is really killing himself at the same time he is killing his victim. The murderer has made the choice to die.
It is important to remember that the death penalty is used only for people who have committed very serious crimes. For example, a woman shot a police officer when she was trying to escape from jail. She was already a convicted criminal when she committed murder, and she deserves the death penalty.
People need to accept responsibility for their actions. Punishing murderers with the death penalty is one way that society can help people to realize/realise the consequences of their decisions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise description Original: life is very violent Suggested revision: violence is widespread Why it matters: The revision describes the prevalence of violence more precisely than assigning violence to 'life.'
- 2. Remove incorrect hyphen Original: mentally-ill people Suggested revision: mentally ill people Why it matters: An adverb ending in -ly is not hyphenated with the adjective it modifies.
- 3. Use formal collocation Original: having Suggested revision: retaining Why it matters: 'Retaining' more precisely describes keeping this punishment in law.
- 4. Link the result clearly Original: saves lives and that makes Suggested revision: saves lives, which makes Why it matters: The relative clause connects the claimed result more smoothly to its consequence.
- 5. Use simple verb form Original: does murder someone Suggested revision: murders someone Why it matters: The emphatic auxiliary 'does' is unnecessary in this neutral conditional statement.
- 6. Improve verb and punctuation Original: , and then gets Suggested revision: and then receives Why it matters: The coordinated verbs need no comma, and 'receives' is more appropriate for a formal penalty.
- 7. Use formal transition Original: So, the person who murders Suggested revision: Therefore, a murderer Why it matters: The revision uses a more formal result marker and avoids a wordy repetition.
- 8. Use penalty collocation Original: used only for people Suggested revision: imposed only on people Why it matters: A legal penalty is more precisely said to be 'imposed on' someone.
- 9. Choose one spelling Original: realize/realise Suggested revision: realise Why it matters: The slash presents two alternatives; use one consistent standard spelling in the final essay.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: We have interviewed captured criminals who say, "I was going to kill him, but I knew that I could get the death penalty if I did. So I just left him there." Suggested revision: Some captured criminals have said that fear of the death penalty stopped them from committing murder. Why it matters: The rewrite presents the same reported claim concisely and avoids an unsupported first-person research voice.
Suggested Rewrites
- life is very violent violence is widespread
- mentally-ill people mentally ill people
- having retaining
- saves lives and that makes saves lives, which makes
- does murder someone murders someone
- , and then gets and then receives
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a decisive position, a logical sequence of arguments, and generally controlled, easy-to-follow language. However, at only 210 words, its claims about deterrence, personal responsibility, and deserving punishment remain somewhat asserted rather than critically developed, so the highest-priority improvement is to add a fuller explanation of why these arguments outweigh the ethical case for life imprisonment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained with relevant reasons and examples, but the under-length response leaves key arguments insufficiently developed.
Extend the analysis beyond assertion by directly answering the ethical objection and comparing the death penalty with life imprisonment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into purposeful paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly with only minor simplicity.
Strengthen progression further by using each paragraph's final sentence to connect its evidence explicitly back to the central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, though a few choices are awkward and the phrasing is sometimes repetitive.
Use more precise legal and ethical vocabulary while avoiding awkward forms such as mentally-ill and alternatives separated by a slash.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex structures is used with strong overall control and only occasional minor lapses.
Refine punctuation and clause linking so that the more conversational sentences read in a consistently formal academic style.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.