In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion?
Sample Response
In contemporary times, many do activities like shopping, working, and interacting with others through the internet without needing in-person interactions. Despite technology's great convenience, it can hinder people from forming profound and significant connections.
The rise of the internet and technology has allowed people to conduct various activities online, from shopping to working and communicating with others. This is because technology offers tremendous convenience, as individuals can buy products and services from the comfort of their own homes, work remotely from anywhere in the world, and communicate with people from different parts of the globe. This has dramatically improved the quality of life for many individuals, especially those living in isolated areas with mobility limitations. Additionally, online communication has brought about greater diversity and understanding, as people can connect with others from different cultures and backgrounds. As demonstrated, the ability to carry out various activities online has numerous advantages and has significantly impacted how people live.
Despite the benefits of online activities, there are also negative consequences associated with the lack of in-person interactions. The impersonal nature of online communication can prevent individuals from building deep, meaningful relationships essential to human connection. Furthermore, when people rely heavily on technology to communicate, they may experience social isolation, especially among younger generations who spend much time on social media. Social isolation has been linked to adverse mental health and well-being effects, such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, balancing online and offline interactions is vital to maintain healthy relationships and social connections in today's digital age.
In conclusion, while there are advantages to the ability to shop, work and communicate with people online, the lack of face-to-face contact can have negative consequences. Therefore, it is essential to balance using technology to our advantage and maintaining personal connections with others.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural time phrase Original: In contemporary times Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: Today conveys the same meaning more naturally and concisely.
- 2. Use a complete noun phrase Original: many do activities like Suggested revision: many people carry out activities such as Why it matters: The revision supplies the missing noun and uses a more natural formal collocation.
- 3. Use the usual preposition Original: through Suggested revision: over Why it matters: Over the internet is the more conventional phrase for online activities.
- 4. Avoid redundant adjectives Original: profound and significant connections Suggested revision: deep, meaningful connections Why it matters: The revised adjectives express distinct qualities and avoid near-repetition.
- 5. State the outcome precisely Original: brought about greater diversity and understanding Suggested revision: promoted greater cross-cultural understanding Why it matters: The revision specifies what kind of understanding results from contact across cultures.
- 6. Use a fitting summary link Original: As demonstrated Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall clearly signals a summary without implying that formal evidence has just been demonstrated.
- 7. Fix the personal reference Original: especially among younger generations who spend much time on social media Suggested revision: particularly among younger people who spend a great deal of time on social media Why it matters: People provides a clear human antecedent for who and the quantity phrase is more natural.
- 8. Correct the noun pattern Original: adverse mental health and well-being effects Suggested revision: adverse effects on mental health and well-being Why it matters: Effects on is the natural construction for identifying the areas harmed.
- 9. Improve the purpose structure Original: balancing online and offline interactions is vital to maintain Suggested revision: maintaining a balance between online and offline interactions is vital for sustaining Why it matters: The revised gerund structure clearly identifies the balance and its purpose.
- 10. Make the elements parallel Original: balance using technology to our advantage and maintaining Suggested revision: balance the advantages of technology with the need to maintain Why it matters: Balance X with Y creates parallel grammatical elements.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This has dramatically improved the quality of life for many individuals, especially those living in isolated areas with mobility limitations. Suggested revision: This has dramatically improved the quality of life for many individuals, especially those living in isolated areas or those with mobility limitations. Why it matters: The rewrite separates two distinct groups instead of implying that isolated areas have mobility limitations.
Suggested Rewrites
- In contemporary times Today
- many do activities like many people carry out activities such as
- through over
- profound and significant connections deep, meaningful connections
- brought about greater diversity and understanding promoted greater cross-cultural understanding
- As demonstrated Overall
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised and develops relevant advantages and disadvantages with clear explanations of convenience, connection, isolation, and mental health. The central limitation is that its overall judgement remains ambiguous for a question asking whether the development is positive or negative. The priority is to state and sustain a decisive evaluative position, then make the conclusion explicitly weigh the two sides against that position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits and drawbacks are well explained, but the response never clearly decides whether the development is positive or negative overall.
State a definite overall judgement in the introduction and conclusion, explaining why one side outweighs the other despite the proposed balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, ideas progress logically, and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively with little disruption.
Reduce repeated framing around online activities and sharpen the transition from the advantages paragraph to the controlling evaluation.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of appropriate vocabulary conveys abstract ideas effectively, although a few expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural phrasing for expressions such as “many do activities” and “adverse mental health and well-being effects.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and generally accurate, with occasional awkward constructions that do not impede meaning.
Refine article use, modifiers, and parallel structures, particularly in the final sentence about balancing technology use and personal connections.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.