In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The distribution of wealth and income is a subject that often sparks debate and differing opinions. In certain countries, a small fraction of the population earns exceptionally high salaries. While some argue that this phenomenon is beneficial for a country, others advocate for government control and salary limitations. This essay aims to explore both perspectives and argue in favour of not restricting individuals' salaries.
Proponents of salary control argue that it is necessary to ensure income equality and prevent excessive wealth accumulation in the hands of a few individuals. They believe that high-income disparities can lead to social and economic inequality, potentially widening the gap between the rich and the poor. For example, in some countries, a small group of wealthy individuals controls a significant portion of the nation's resources, which can exacerbate social divisions and create an unbalanced society.
On the other hand, those who believe that high salaries are advantageous for a country argue that they act as incentives for individuals to work hard and excel in their fields. The prospect of earning substantial incomes motivates individuals to invest their time, skills, and resources to achieve success. Moreover, high salaries can attract talented individuals to vital industries, leading to innovation, economic growth, and job creation. For instance, in sectors such as technology, finance, and entertainment, individuals with exceptional skills and expertise are often offered lucrative compensation packages. This not only rewards their talent and hard work but also drives progress and fosters competitiveness within these industries.
In my opinion, while it is important to address income inequality and ensure fairness in society, imposing strict controls on salaries is not the most effective approach as it would discourage talented and hard-working individuals to take on challenging careers. By addressing the root causes of inequality and providing avenues for upward mobility, societies can achieve a more equitable distribution of wealth without restricting individuals' freedom and right to earn high salaries.
In conclusion, while some argue that high salaries act as incentives and drive economic growth, others advocate for salary control to address income inequality. However, it is my belief that governments should focus on creating a fair and inclusive society by providing equal opportunities and social mobility rather than imposing strict salary limitations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: a subject that often sparks debate and differing opinions Suggested revision: a subject that often sparks debate Why it matters: Debate already implies differing opinions, so the final phrase is repetitive.
- 2. Use direct phrasing Original: This essay aims to explore Suggested revision: This essay explores Why it matters: The direct present-tense verb is more concise without changing the essay's purpose.
- 3. Qualify absolute claim Original: ensure income equality Suggested revision: promote greater income equality Why it matters: Promote greater equality is more measured and precise than claiming equality can be ensured.
- 4. Fix collocation Original: high-income disparities Suggested revision: wide income disparities Why it matters: Wide more naturally describes the scale of disparities than high-income.
- 5. Use precise adjective Original: unbalanced Suggested revision: unequal Why it matters: Unequal directly identifies the social condition being discussed.
- 6. Use concise verb Original: act as incentives for individuals Suggested revision: incentivise individuals Why it matters: The single verb expresses the same relationship more concisely.
- 7. Refine verb pattern Original: invest their time, skills, and resources to achieve success Suggested revision: invest their time, skills, and resources in achieving success Why it matters: Invest in followed by a gerund is the more conventional pattern in this context.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: vital Suggested revision: key Why it matters: Key industries is the more natural expression for economically important sectors.
- 9. Use precise proportion Original: fraction Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: Proportion is the more natural term when describing a share of a population.
- 10. Name the issue Original: this phenomenon Suggested revision: these exceptionally high salaries Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes a vague reference and keeps the policy contrast clear.
- 11. Use policy terms Original: government control and salary limitations Suggested revision: government regulation and salary caps Why it matters: Regulation and salary caps describe the proposed policy more precisely.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: In my opinion, while it is important to address income inequality and ensure fairness in society, imposing strict controls on salaries is not the most effective approach as it would discourage talented and hard-working individuals to take on challenging careers. Suggested revision: In my opinion, although addressing income inequality is important, strict salary controls are not the most effective approach because they would discourage talented and hard-working individuals from taking on challenging careers. Why it matters: This rewrite corrects discourage from taking and clarifies the concession and cause.
Suggested Rewrites
- a subject that often sparks debate and differing opinions a subject that often sparks debate
- This essay aims to explore This essay explores
- ensure income equality promote greater income equality
- high-income disparities wide income disparities
- unbalanced unequal
- act as incentives for individuals incentivise individuals
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully addresses both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its case through well-controlled, logically sequenced arguments. Its main limitation is that the case for salary controls is less fully explored and relies on a broad example rather than examining how limits might work. The highest priority is to deepen that counterargument before showing more explicitly why equal opportunity is the better policy response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, the writer's position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are relevant and well developed.
Explore the practical rationale for salary limits in greater depth before rebutting it with the preferred alternative.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly organised, with effective paragraphing and cohesive progression from the competing views to the writer's judgement.
Make the transition into the personal evaluation even sharper by explicitly linking it to the weaknesses of salary control.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally to discuss inequality, incentives, mobility, and economic effects.
Refine a few conventional phrases and avoid mild repetition of terms such as high salaries and individuals.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, with only rare non-impeding slips in construction.
Polish verb-pattern choices, such as using discourage someone from doing something, to achieve still greater grammatical precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.