Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?
Sample Response
In the modern world, we see that many people migrate to faraway places, but, for most parts of history, people mostly chose to live close to places where they were born and bred. There could be many reasons for this, and it has both advantages and disadvantages that this essay will deal with.
While there could be many reasons behind people's desire to live close to their birthplace, the main reason is that it offers them a certain sense of security and comfort in their effort to survive, in an otherwise unknown world that is full of prejudiced thoughts, suspicion, hatred and animosity. People inherit property and lands where their ancestors lived, and this is another reason so many people feel connected to their birthplace where they know people and the culture to live as an integral part of society.
Now, while this sense of security and comfort in itself is an advantage of living close to someone’s birthplace in a more broad and abstract sense, some of its more tangible benefits may include the opportunity to live close to the people, we love and care for. Another advantage is that because of living close to a place of our origin for a long time, we feel that we know its air, water and landscape so well that we can rely on these things for our physical and mental well-being.
Of course, it has some disadvantages too. One such disadvantage would be that people, close to us, might interfere in our private matters, on and off, which can be a tad irritating at times. In fact, I have seen how one of my uncles moved far away from his birthplace because his in-laws kept meddling in his private matters against his wish. Besides, living close to where someone is born, which could also be his comfort zone, for too long might make someone a bit too lazy and scared to try new things in order to improve the quality of life and explore new opportunities.
In conclusion, most people choose to live close to where they were born because it gives them a sense of security and makes them a part of society in which they blend quite well. This can have both merits and demerits that we should consider carefully before choosing to live in that place or leave it for another place.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra comma Original: but, for Suggested revision: but for Why it matters: A comma should not separate but from the following prepositional phrase.
- 2. Use idiomatic history phrase Original: most parts of history Suggested revision: most of history Why it matters: Most of history is the standard expression for the majority of historical time.
- 3. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it has both advantages Suggested revision: living close to one's birthplace has both advantages Why it matters: The explicit subject removes the unclear reference of it.
- 4. Use comparative adjective Original: in a more broad and abstract sense Suggested revision: in a broader and more abstract sense Why it matters: The comparative form broader is required alongside more abstract.
- 5. Remove relative-clause comma Original: the people, we love Suggested revision: the people we love Why it matters: The defining clause should not be separated from people by a comma.
- 6. Use natural origin phrase Original: a place of our origin Suggested revision: our place of origin Why it matters: Place of origin is the natural fixed expression.
- 7. Remove unnecessary commas Original: people, close to us, Suggested revision: people close to us Why it matters: The defining phrase close to us should not be enclosed by commas.
- 8. Use precise frequency adverb Original: on and off Suggested revision: occasionally Why it matters: Occasionally expresses the intended intermittent frequency more precisely in formal writing.
- 9. Use idiomatic plural Original: wish Suggested revision: wishes Why it matters: Against someone's wishes is the established expression.
- 10. Remove reader reference Original: we see that many people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: The direct subject is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 11. Use precise reporting verb Original: that this essay will deal with Suggested revision: that this essay will examine Why it matters: Examine states the essay's purpose more precisely than deal with.
- 12. Remove vague modifier Original: a certain sense of Suggested revision: a sense of Why it matters: Certain adds no useful precision to the description of security and comfort.
Suggested Rewrites
- but, for but for
- most parts of history most of history
- it has both advantages living close to one's birthplace has both advantages
- in a more broad and abstract sense in a broader and more abstract sense
- the people, we love the people we love
- a place of our origin our place of origin
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay fully addresses the reasons, advantages, and disadvantages, using a clear structure and a relevant personal example to develop the discussion. Its strongest feature is the balanced explanation of security, family proximity, interference, and limited personal growth; the main limitation is occasional overextended or awkward phrasing. Prioritise tightening long sentences and expressing the environmental-comfort idea more concretely so the argument remains precise rather than abstract.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
All parts of the question are addressed with relevant, well-developed reasons, benefits, drawbacks, and a specific example of family interference.
Clarify how familiarity with the local environment supports physical or mental well-being through a more concrete mechanism or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The five-paragraph structure progresses logically from reasons to advantages and disadvantages, although some long sentences carry too many connected ideas.
Split the densest sentences and ensure each paragraph develops one central claim before moving to the next.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is flexible and often precise, but a few expressions such as 'for most parts of history', 'prejudiced thoughts', and 'in a more broad sense' are awkward.
Prefer concise natural forms such as 'for most of history', 'prejudice', and 'in a broader sense', avoiding unnecessary elaboration.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is generally well controlled, though comma placement, comparative forms, and some embedded clauses contain errors.
Remove commas around essential phrases and check comparative forms, writing 'a broader sense' and 'the people we love'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.