Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to national or international charities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Today poverty is still on full display anywhere in the world, even from the sparkling and vibrant streets of Los Angeles or to the less glamorous district of Mumbai city. In the fight against poverty, help is at hand. However, a bone of contention remains whether people should directly support the underprivileged or donate to charities. This essay will look at this issue from both perspectives.
There are clear justifications for why some funders would rather help the poor by themselves. First of all, help is given instantly as there is no paperwork, no collection, no delivery involved. It would also mean that no money is lost into the pockets of corrupt government officials. Second of all, it has been found that a considerable number of recipients of aid programs spend money on children’s education or healthcare, rather than alcohol or cigarettes. Therefore, development can be easily promoted.
However, the idea of giving cash directly to the poor is also treated with skepticism by many people who otherwise suggest that money or any other type of donation should be given to charity organisations. Their main argument is that for the people whose lives have always been devoid of material possessions or money, knowing how to manage the financial aids is out of the question. There are many cases where poor people use the money to start businesses; however, bankruptcy is imminent due to their lack of knowledge regarding financial management. For this reason, charities, which can distribute the funds more effectively, prove their prominent roles in improving the living standards of the impoverished.
To conclude, I am inclined to think that giving money to charities is a better way to end poverty as it deals with deeper causes of the issue in the long run.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate noun Original: funders Suggested revision: donors Why it matters: People who provide charitable assistance are more accurately called donors.
- 2. Complete parallel structure Original: no collection, no delivery involved Suggested revision: no collection, and no delivery involved Why it matters: Adding the conjunction completes the coordinated list.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: lost Suggested revision: diverted Why it matters: Money is diverted into someone's pockets rather than lost into them.
- 4. Use concise sequencing Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: Secondly is a more concise formal sequencing expression.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: development can be easily promoted Suggested revision: their development can be promoted Why it matters: The possessive pronoun makes clear whose development is being discussed.
- 6. Show the contrast Original: otherwise Suggested revision: instead Why it matters: Instead accurately signals the alternative preference described here.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: aids Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: Aid is uncountable when it refers generally to financial assistance.
- 8. Avoid overstatement Original: out of the question Suggested revision: difficult Why it matters: Difficult expresses the intended management problem without implying absolute impossibility.
- 9. Use measured wording Original: bankruptcy is imminent Suggested revision: bankruptcy can result Why it matters: This wording presents bankruptcy as a possible consequence rather than a certainty.
- 10. Fix number and collocation Original: prove their prominent roles Suggested revision: play a prominent role Why it matters: The idiomatic expression is play a role, and the singular form agrees with the shared function.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: help is at hand Suggested revision: help is available Why it matters: The revision conveys the same idea in more direct academic language.
- 12. Use precise framing Original: a bone of contention remains whether Suggested revision: the question remains whether Why it matters: The question remains whether introduces the debated alternatives clearly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- funders donors
- no collection, no delivery involved no collection, and no delivery involved
- lost diverted
- Second of all Secondly
- development can be easily promoted their development can be promoted
- otherwise instead
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and consistent preference for charity-based support, with both perspectives addressed through relevant reasons. Its main limitation is that some claims are only briefly justified and occasionally blur direct local assistance with unrestricted cash transfers. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each side with more precise cause-and-effect explanation and a concrete example tied closely to the local-versus-charity distinction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is maintained, although some supporting claims remain general or only partly connected to the precise contrast in the task.
Develop one well-chosen example for each approach and explicitly show how it supports direct local help or organised charity work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a clear conclusion, with effective overall cohesion.
Strengthen links within the body paragraphs by making the relationship between each claim, explanation, and consequence more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, though several collocations such as financial aids and prove their prominent roles are awkward.
Prioritise natural collocations and accurate word forms, especially when discussing funding, aid distribution, and institutional effectiveness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with good overall control, and the occasional errors do not impede communication.
Refine preposition, article, and countability choices in longer sentences to make already clear ideas more idiomatic and exact.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community, however, others prefer to give money to national or international charities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.