Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
These days, many people are spending an increasing amount of time commuting to their workplace or school. Although there may be some benefits to this development, I believe it is mostly negative.
There are only a couple of benefits that people could possibly gain from having to spend large amounts of time travelling to and from work or school, which are mostly related to those who commute via public transport. Firstly, travelling on public transport can allow people more time to get things done that they have been too busy to complete. For example, some school kids have to spend up to one hour travelling by bus every day and this is a great opportunity for them to get their homework done. Likewise, some adults may use this time to catch up on some unfinished work on their laptop, or plan their work schedule for the day. Furthermore, sitting on a bus or train is also a great time to relax and read a book.
However, not all people can take advantage of these benefits. For example, in Vietnam, only a small percentage of people use public transport and therefore have no opportunity to read or catch up on work. Instead, most people are stuck in traffic jams during rush hours, sitting on a motorbike breathing in toxic fumes from other vehicles, which in the long term can lead to a number of serious health issues. Additionally, spending more and more time commuting leaves less time for other more important activities, like spending time with loved ones, or pursuing one’s hobbies. And lastly, from my observations, when travelling on public transport these days, the majority of people are not reading or working, but keep their eyes glued to their smartphone browsing social media, which could be considered as an a waste of time.
Overall, I believe this is a negative development, however it really depends upon how people spend their time while travelling.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal wording Original: school kids Suggested revision: schoolchildren Why it matters: Schoolchildren is more appropriate than the informal phrase school kids in an academic essay.
- 2. Match plural noun Original: laptop Suggested revision: laptops Why it matters: The plural subject adults requires the plural noun laptops in this general statement.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: not all people Suggested revision: not everyone Why it matters: Not everyone expresses this contrast more naturally and concisely.
- 4. Remove list comma Original: loved ones, or pursuing Suggested revision: loved ones or pursuing Why it matters: A comma is unnecessary before or when it joins the final two items in this short list.
- 5. Refine transition Original: And lastly Suggested revision: Lastly Why it matters: Lastly provides the transition without the conversational sentence-opening conjunction.
- 6. Use idiomatic phrase Original: from my observations Suggested revision: in my experience Why it matters: In my experience is the more idiomatic phrase for introducing a personal observation.
- 7. Restore parallel structure Original: are not reading or working, but keep Suggested revision: are not reading or working but instead keep Why it matters: But instead keep creates a grammatically parallel contrast with are not reading or working.
- 8. Match plural reference Original: smartphone Suggested revision: smartphones Why it matters: The plural reference people calls for the plural noun smartphones in this generalization.
- 9. Fix article phrase Original: could be considered as an a waste Suggested revision: could be considered a waste Why it matters: Considered takes a direct complement here, and the duplicated articles are ungrammatical.
- 10. Fix clause boundary Original: negative development, however Suggested revision: negative development; however, Why it matters: A semicolon and following comma correctly connect the two independent clauses around however.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There are only a couple of benefits that people could possibly gain from having to spend large amounts of time travelling to and from work or school, which are mostly related to those who commute via public transport. Suggested revision: The limited benefits of longer commutes mainly apply to people who travel by public transport. Why it matters: This revision removes layered qualifiers and states the same contrast more directly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Instead, most people are stuck in traffic jams during rush hours, sitting on a motorbike breathing in toxic fumes from other vehicles, which in the long term can lead to a number of serious health issues. Suggested revision: Instead, most people are stuck in rush-hour traffic, riding motorbikes and breathing in toxic fumes from other vehicles, which can lead to serious long-term health issues. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes number agreement and clarifies the parallel actions without changing the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- school kids schoolchildren
- laptop laptops
- not all people not everyone
- loved ones, or pursuing loved ones or pursuing
- And lastly Lastly
- from my observations in my experience
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, well-supported position, with relevant benefits and drawbacks developed through specific examples. Its main limitation is a slight inconsistency between the firm ‘mostly negative’ stance in the introduction and the more conditional final sentence, while a few imprecise phrases reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to make the conclusion fully align with the nuanced position established in the body.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed with a clear opinion and relevant, well-developed supporting examples.
State the final position with the same precision as the introduction so the qualification does not weaken the overall judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader naturally.
Refine the transition into the final example so it connects more explicitly to the argument about wasted commuting time.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys both practical benefits and social or health drawbacks effectively.
Replace occasional awkward choices such as ‘considered as’ and informal wording such as ‘school kids’ with more idiomatic academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only isolated slips that do not impede meaning.
Proofread articles and prepositions carefully to remove minor errors such as ‘an a waste of time’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.